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Showing posts with label Gary Robertson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gary Robertson. Show all posts
Gary Robertson ⚽ In the late 90s connoisseurs of late night Channel 4 TV were entertained by one of the most bizarre shows ever to hit our screens - Eurotrash.

Once watched, never forgotten, it leaned heavily to the bizarre the provocative and downright unusual from the world of European TV.

In 2026 Eurotrash has a somewhat different meaning in Robertson Towers and undoubtedly many more households around the globe.
 
I am of course talking about Celtic.
 
The whipping bhoys of the Europa league managed once again to find a way to lose on Thursday, this time to Celta Vigo.
 
Yes the “giants” of La Liga came saw conquered and left along with several thousand happy fans having secured 3 points.
 
Celtic on the other hand were left rooted to the bottom of the table and pointless.
 
As pointless as the next five Europa League games we have to play.
 
With teams such as Marseille and Union SG to come Celtic could easily be staring down the barrel of some heavy defeats.
 
I had a little optimism last week after the crushing of Hearts. I thought perhaps finally things were taking shape and with players returning from injury then we might see a better performance against the Galicians.
 
We might share a Celtic identity and their music does feature the bagpipes but in footballing terms we’re a long way apart.
 
Once again the home team flattered to deceive.
 
A goal from the boot of Baur in the 47th minute gave Celtic the lead, a lead that lasted a whole twenty one mins before in the space of three Celta had equalised and taken the lead.
 
It’s the same old story, poor recruitment, bizarre tactics (If any) and a lack of determination.
 
We are perhaps Conference League level but honestly I’m pretty certain they’d find a way to f**k that up too.
 
Looking further afield and away from the pit of despair that is CFC (yes I’m aware they beat Hibernian at Easter road 2-1 but I’ll get to that and why it’s hardly cause for celebration later), despite stormy conditions the Scottish Premiership saw no postponements. All four home teams walked away with 3 points. Dundee Utd coming out on top of a five goal thriller at the Calforth Construction Arena at Tannadice Park (sponsorship eh? For those old buggers it’s just Tannadice) against Aberdeen. Three points that leave the Arabs in fourth place, a point ahead of city rivals Dundee who lost out 2-1 away to St Mirren. United are Celtic's next visitors on Wednesday 28th and whist rife bookmakers see a massive gulf in odds there is, in my opinion at least, very little between the two on the pitch. A fascinating game that sadly Sky have overlooked in favour of Rangers v Hearts on the same night (understandable but frustrating nonetheless).

Falkirk walked away with a comfortable 3-0 victory over Kilmarnock, helped greatly by the away sides prowess at shooting themselves in the foot, not once but twice with own goals from Killies McCarthy in 29 mins and Stanger in the 68th. The bairns (as Falkirk are known) did score the only actual legitimate goal of the match from the foot of striker Murrell on 38 mins.
 
Rangers continued to show why they’re a massive threat to Celtic with another home demolition, this time of St Johnstone. A 4-0 victory in no way flatters McInnes' men. They (as much as it pains me to say it but remaining unbiased) play some very attractive football and with the League Cup looking almost certain to be theirs Ibrox fans will have much to cheer about in the coming months. Of course Aberdeen, Hearts and Hibs will fancy their chances in the semi finals but on this form it would take a brave punter to bet against them lifting the trophy.
 
Saturday saw the clash of the top two in the Championship, Partick and Stenhousemuir. This game looked much tighter on paper than the final score line suggested. Partick ran out very comfortable 3-0 winners and took them to the summit, a point clear of Stenhousemuir who despite having more possession never managed a single shot on target in the entire 90+ mins of the match. A deeply frustrating afternoon for the men from the Central Lowlands but a highly satisfying one for the Jaggys of Maryhill.
 
The gap between 3rd and 4th was also closed to a mere two points as fourth placed Inverness Caley overcame Raith Rovers (3rd place) by two goals to nil.
 
League One - and the shootout continues between Hamilton and Ross County. Both sides predictably winning their respective matches: Hamilton 2-1 over East Fife and Ross by 4 with no reply over Airdrie.
 
League Two fixtures were replaced with Scottish Cup round two instead and some notable results included Huntly of the Highland League holding league strugglers Annan to a 2-2 draw only to succumb to the cruellest of finishes, a penalty shootout that saw the league side win 4-1.
 
Bo’ness of Lowland League East took care of League Two Falkirk by a solitary goal and the gloriously Scottish named Clachnacuddin (of Inverness) put three past Bonnyton Thistle (of Kilmarnock).
 
Sunday
 
The storm has yet to pass but as I write the wind is easing slightly so I think the worst is past. Hopefully. 🤞
 
We have two matches to look forward to this afternoon: Motherwell at home to Hearts, and Celtic away to bottom side Hibernian.
 
Hearts were well worthy of their 2-0 victory over Motherwell, a header from Braga in the 29th minute and the 3 points assured when Calvin Miller struck home in 86 minutes.
 
Over to a blustery Easter Road.
 
Having had another rough night Saturday (I won’t bore you with details) I woke up Sunday feeling incredibly nervous. All the stats pointed to a Celtic victory and by all accounts a comfortable one if the odds were to be believed. Yet despite everything I couldn’t shake this feeling that it wasn’t going to be as straightforward as many would have you think. Top against bottom what could go wrong? Plenty, and plenty did.
 
Ok, so Celtic walked away with the three points having won the match 2-1 and whilst in terms of league positions and titles a victory is a victory and fans should be happy, on closer inspection you’d see the massive flaws in this team that on any given day could be seriously exploited by any other team in the league.
 
It came as absolutely no surprise to anyone when Hibs took the lead. In 3 mins in front of a sparse crowd Celtics defensive vulnerabilities were there for all to see as Hibs' Owen Elding fired past Johnstone in goal and the bottom side led and while a shambles in front of goal from a Celtic corner where Hibs' Kerr headed by his own keeper to make it 1-1 the away side looked once again like a team that had been assembled from hitchhikers at the service stations on the way to Edinburgh. No cohesion, no aggression, no tactics. I defy anyone to tell me what they are because other than hoof ball it’s back pass after back pass. Two very poor teams playing in very poor conditions, passes going astray, shots wide and without the individual brilliance that is Camilo Duran putting the Celts in the driving seat on the 43rd minute and in fairness at least one wonder save from the much maligned (and possibly rightly so) Johnstone in goal. There was nothing else to note in this game.
 
I hate to say it but it was rubbish. I’ve watched thousands of matches in my life, from all sorts of leagues and this would rate highly in the least enjoyable ever list.
 
Now I know some will say “but three points are three points” and whilst that’s true we need to look at this not as Celtic fans but as unbiased football fans. Neither team looked good, neither team dominated, neither side looked like they had any clue what they were meant to be doing, and it certainly didn’t look like there are ten teams between them in the league.
 
Martin O’Neill came out afterward and called it “our best win of the season” and “Even better than last Sunday.” Now far be it from me to criticise the man but was he watching the same match as the rest of us? To believe that was better is Trump level delusion. Høgh once again failed to fire, our defence torn open time after time (and but for poor finishing and a wonderful save this could have been a very different column) our midfield M.I.A and our captain practicing his windmill impression while standing a few feet from Liam Scales.
 
It’s a mess and even the introduction of Jota made no difference.
 
Of course now they’ll probably go out on Wednesday and crush Dundee United (but I wouldn’t bet on it).

So I think that’s enough of a rant from me. Celtic are still top of the league by four points from Rangers so I guess it was effective rubbish.

Have a great week and whatever you’re doing do it well, stay safe and have fun

Til next time …… 🐼

🐼 Gary Robertson is the TPQ Scottish football correspondent.

Eurotrash

Gary Robertson ⚽ Merriam Webster defines enigma as something hard to understand or explain.
 
Examples of an enigma are Stonehenge, The Pyramids of Giza and currently Celtic Football Club.
 
The expected drubbing by Europa League favourites Benfica came to pass on Thursday leaving fans feeling fearful of the upcoming match against Heart of Midlothian who were finally showing the form that very nearly won them the title last season.
 
Yet once again the team transformed from pub outfit to peak Barcelona and put in a performance that surprised even the most optimistic of fans.
 
Absolutely no one saw this coming, fingers crossed perhaps a one or two nil victory, perhaps a tight 2-1 but Celtic were imperious, ruthless to the point you almost wished for the final whistle to blow to put Hearts on the bus home and save them further embarrassment.
 
A 7-1 victory doesn’t flatter the home team, it could have, perhaps should have been more.
 
Doubles for Nygren & Osmand, goals from Tierney and Duran and an own goal from Hearts' McCart. Celtic have won the title 14 of the last 15 years and it would take a brave man on that performance to suggest they aren’t good enough to make it 15 from 16.
 
Of course the Scottish Premiership isn’t just Celtic. Eleven other teams start the season hopeful of taking the crown and this year the challenge looks like Rangers again. The only domestic outfit to have put this Celtic squad to the sword.
 
With a Saturday evening fixture (for TV purposes) Rangers had the chance to take top spot, if only briefly. However, as it transpired Dundee weren’t there simply for the gate money but instead to play football. A strange match as the script was binned in the first half when Dundee's Fink put the home side ahead. 

Rangers, of course, are playing with a never say die attitude and managed to equalise through Bouanani just before half time. The second half and it looked like normal service had been resumed as Raskin fired home spectacularly for the Gers and it looked for all intents and purposes an away win was on the cards only for Dan Neil, the hero of the League Cup win over Celtic, to be robbed of the ball and for Jones to restore parity. Both sides huffed and puffed desperately seeking a winner that wasn’t to come and a point apiece seemed right on the night. Rangers fans undoubtedly disappointed having snatched a draw from the teeth of victory were left to rue what might have been. How much of a bearing this has on the season remains to be seen but currently Celtic are riding high with a four point gap to Rangers with Hearts a further four points behind.
 
Kilmarnock helped continue Motherwell's miserable run of form, inflicting the Steelmen's fifth defeat in a row coming out on top of a five goal thriller at Rugby Park. A 3-2 victory and a pleasing Saturday afternoon for Neil McCann and his men. Motherwell on the other hand are a shadow of the team they were last season and the future of Alfred Johansson must be in doubt. How long the Fir Park board give him is a yet unanswered question but I suspect we might not need to wait long for the answer.
 
Hibs hit rock bottom with a sixth home defeat of the season, giving Falkirk their first win at Easter road in 20 years. A fine 2-1 victory for the away side and much soul searching for under fire Hibernian manager Reedijk.
 
Elsewhere Aberdeen managed to miss a penalty from the boot of the usually ultra reliable Nesbit but it mattered not as the striker redeemed himself in the 59th minute with a contribution to the Dons 3-1 victory.

St Johnstone and Dundee United ended with a share of the points, a 1-1 draw keeping them 5th and 6th separated only by goal difference.
 
In the Championship Stenhousemuir continue to lead the charge after a 1-1 draw with Raith Rovers. Partick Thistle now third after a Friday night victory by a solitary goal over Ayr United at Somerset Park.
 
League One, and the fight already looks to be between free scoring Ross County and Hamilton. It’s hard even at this early stage to see the title not going to one or the other. Ross are scoring for fun and after demolishing hapless Queen of the South at Palmerston also by 7 goals to 1 find themselves with a plus 32 goal difference.
 
Second placed Hamilton with a mere plus 20 after a hard fought 2-1 victory away at Airdries Albert Bartlett Stadium.
 
Cove Rangers are rooted firmly to the bottom of the league on 6 points having suffered yet another defeat this time at Peterhead where the home side ran out comfortable 2-0 winners. It takes a special breed of person to run around in shorts and T-shirts even in the middle of summer in Peterhead but in winter, with the cold winds blowing from the North Sea, no thanks. I always thought Pittodrie in Aberdeen was the coldest stadium in Scotland but nothing prepared me for Peterhead. Never felt cold like it. Once and once was enough. If you’re ever tempted to watch them at home make sure you’re well wrapped up. A trip to a psychiatrist first might be a good idea too.
 
League Two and Stranraer top the table on goal difference over Clyde. Stranraer taking care of Spartans by 2 -0 and Clyde overcoming bottom side Annan by 4 goals to one.
 
It’s been a fascinating weekend for sure and right now let’s enjoy the Celtic victory without worrying too much about Thursday coming and Celta Vigo. That said it’s at Paradise so who knows. Perhaps I’m foolish to be confident but I expect a better performance at home from O’Neills men and we might finally get points on the board.
 
That’s for the future though and we might have to brush over this like we did the Benfica score line. Masterfully avoided going into great detail, if I say so myself, I mean let’s start the week on a positive note right?

So that’s Scottish football for another week no rants, no feet stamping and no cushions thrown at the tv it’s been a most satisfactory forty eight hours.
 
Can Celtic make the 15th title, their 15th in 16 years? Time will tell but outwith Rangers I can’t see where the challenge will come from. Last seasons three horse race that gripped Scottish football fans doesn’t look like materialising and we’re back to the shoot out between the Glasgow giants.

Enjoy your week, whatever you’re doing do it well, do it safely and have fun

Til next time …… 🐼 

🐼 Gary Robertson is the TPQ Scottish football correspondent.

Fifteen Years

Gary Robertson ⚽ It’s been some time since I’ve written a column and felt this happy.
 
Don’t get me wrong - I love putting virtual pen to virtual paper but it’s been a rough few weeks in Robertson Towers.
 
Defeats in Europe hurt but defeats at the hands of the enemy in Glasgow derbies cut deeper and it takes some time to shake off that injury and feel good about football again.
 
So with the SPL returning at the weekend there was some trepidation regarding an upcoming fixture at Motherwell.
 
Particularly as this was the Sunday lunchtime match on Sky.
 
With Rangers and Hearts both playing Saturday it meant that come kick off Celtic could have found themselves deposed at the top of the league, and the Jambos closing the gap.
 
A thoroughly professional performance in the first half against Kilmarnock at Ibrox gave McInnes’ men a comfortable and ultimately unassailable 3-0 lead against beleaguered Kilmarnock who find themselves rooted to the foot of the table and struggling for any sort of consistent form. Whilst the boys in blue seemed to take their foot off the gas in the second half and Kilmarnock did manage to find the back of the net a comeback never looked likely, and so it proved. 

By 5pm on Saturday Rangers were top of the league and in impartial honesty quite rightly so. They look like a team that have gotten their act together after an inauspicious start to the season, and look a formidable force. Young German Striker Naderi scoring twice more for the light blues he seems to have hit a rich vein of form.
 
Hearts were similarly impressive with a 5-0 thrashing of St Mirren. In front of a crowd of almost 19000 and two penalties expertly slotted away by Scottish winger Calvin Miller, who also assisted in Braga's goal in the 54th minute, Hearts are starting to show some badly needed form after a defeat to Falkirk and a draw with Kilmarnock. Is this the turning point for the men from Tynecastle? We can watch with interest, particularly given, Europe aside, Hearts are Celtic's next opponents (Sunday Oct 18th 3pm kick off) and given the events of last season I suspect this will have given Vrancken's boys a much needed lift ahead of what will be for some a grudge match. No titles on the line, three points only, but revenge is sweet whenever gained.
 
Hibs under new manager Reedijik travelled to Tannadice in Dundee to face United. Both sides finding form difficult to come by, a solitary goal from Dundee United's Bennie in the 35th minute kept the three points at home and sent Hibs back down the A90/M90 to Edinburgh empty handed and languishing in 10th in the league. It’s not spectacular but it’s functional football and kudos to United who find themselves - granted it’s early days - in the top 6.
 
Falkirk managed to lose a 1-0 lead over Dundee and a fightback from the visitors sealed with a 91st minute winner from Dundee's Hay, a bad day at the office for Falkirk and a further three points for the men from Dens who now find themselves in fourth.
 
So to Sunday. The wait was over and to be honest I just wanted it over with.
 
Granted Motherwell aren’t the team of last season but Celtic have been far from convincing and after two defeats at the hands of Rangers confidence wasn’t high.
 
Once again though Celtic proved why I write about football rather than manage a team.
 
I don’t want to go overboard but it was hard not to be impressed with the performance the Bhoys showed on the Fir Park turf. From Sinisalo (the birthday boy) in goal to Høgh up front everyone played their part in this victory. Even the often hung out to dry Tounekti had a game to remember for the right reasons.
 
Celtic never in the 90+ mins looked threatened, unbalanced or scared. There was a grit that has been woefully missing, a determination to get on the ball, the passing was lovely to watch and the finishing exquisite.
 
I am once again in love with football.
 
Sure we will suffer defeats, all fans do, but it’s days like Sunday that make it all worthwhile.
 
Granted Høgh appears to be laden with the £11m price tag and is struggling to score goals however he played his part in setting up Nygren for the second in 58 mins. I’m sure the rewards will come for the Dane and we need to be patient. Remember this is a man who’s scored against some of the best in the Champions League. You don’t suddenly become a bad player overnight. It rather goes without saying but with the right service he could easily be a 20 plus a season player.
 
Sundays highlight wasn’t so much the result though but the return of Portuguese winger Jota. Having spent 18 months with injury and recovery, some of us wondering if he’d ever play in the hoops again, he made his seasonal debut coming on in the 74th minute to rapturous applause and cheering from the Celtic fans in attendance a smile across the faces of all Celtic fans around the world. The biggest smile however was on the face of the player himself and who can blame him? It truly made for a beautiful Sunday.
 
The Celtic fans of course were in good voice showing their solidarity with those on the Garvaghy Road along with a tifo in support of legendary Celtic captain (and only player I can tenuously claim to be related to through my son (look it’s distant ok but I’ll take it)) Danny McGrain in his battle against Alzheimer’s disease. We of course, I’m sure, send our best wishes to him and his wife Laraine along with his three daughters, Vicki, Dawn and Carly.
 
The protest against Celtic owner Dermot Desmond continues unabated and the fans at Fir Park continued to show their ire toward the board and the man himself.
 
The other game of the weekend featured Aberdeen at home to Premiership new boys St Johnstone.
This was one I truly didn’t expect. Not the fixture but the result. A 1-0 victory to the visitors from Perth again, a single goal being all the difference between the two, a penalty scored by Saints' Fowler in the 14th minute enough for three points. Aberdeen find themselves in 8th while St Johnstone are riding high in 5th. For the Dons the 15th of September when they put four past Motherwell must seem a very distant memory.
 
So that’s pretty much it really, no drama beyond the obvious and some wonderful highlights.
This week European football returns so I may not be as cheery in next week’s column but right now I’m smiling and I hope you are too.
 
Have a great week and whatever you do be safe be happy and do it well.

Til next time …… 🐼 

🐼 Gary Robertson is the TPQ Scottish football correspondent.

Oh Happy Day

Gary Robertson ⚽ On October 3rd 1981 the hunger strike came to an end but not before ten young men laid down their lives.
 
As I write this I’m acutely aware that many of you were friends, family and comrades of these selfless souls and my thoughts are with you at this time

Holding their sacrifices in our minds puts daily life into sharp perspective but as the weeks turn we find ourselves facing the absurdities of another seven days in Scottish football. From the embarrassment v Switzerland, Hendry finding himself off after 11 mins to the muted joy of a victory over North Macedonia - a country that came into being in 1991 - to the tennis balls and banner protests at St Andrews targeting Dermot Desmond it’s been a rather extraordinary week.
 
The Celtic board were quick to condemn the actions of the few in a statement that rapidly backfired.
The gist of this statement is “board good fans bad” but what irked me and no doubt many others were the blatant lies they’re happy to present as facts.
 
There’s much talk of fan and board interaction. It reads almost like there’s constant communication which couldnt be further from the truth. Indeed the Celtic board are notoriously tight lipped and on numerous occasions have been asked to explain X,Y and Z from fans groups only to be met with absolutely silence. Celtic fans are constantly left in the dark and from this frustration grows.
Frustration that ends in protests, protests that then and only then force the club into action mode and releasing statements.
 
Looking back on Desmond’s tenure as majority shareholder: at time of writing he holds roughly a 36% share in the club. From where Celtic were in 1994 when he came on board at the time, I’m sure many would have snapped your arm off to have the trophies and achievements that have come the way of the club. Indeed, outwith 1965-1974 this has been the most successful time in the unbroken history of Walfrid’s dream. Perhaps therein lies a part of the problem. Celtic have created the rod to be beaten with. Fans have come to expect success, younger fans especially don’t remember the lean years, the difficult times when Rangers won trebles and Celtic were a club in disarray. Indeed Celtic were minutes from going out of business only to be saved by a wee man in a bunnet. Success is that rod.
For many Celtic have become synonymous with success. As a fan it’s been a wonderful time, 14 of the last 15 years Celtic have lifted the SPL title. I mean what’s not to like?
 
But success demands further success and herein lies yet another problem.
 
Every transfer window, fans are crying out for the club to make signings. To strengthen the squad, to bring in players for positions in which they’re clearly lacking but most times, if not all the time, we’re yelling into the abyss.
 
Celtic's statement once again is shown to contain untruths enough to make Trump blush. The club doesn’t engage with fans, and players have been sold with no replacement in place.
 
Think Daizen Maeda.
 
Am I asking for a say in recruitment? Yes and no. Practically it would be impossible to please every fan all the time but it might help if you listen to their concerns at times. Celtic went two seasons without a recognised striker. Fans begged for action and it wasn’t til Summer 2026 this was addressed.
 
We aren’t looking for anything unreasonable. Celtic fans only want what’s best for their club as fans of all teams around the world do.
 
The board claim they’re open to listen to fans concerns then do their best to manoeuvre a way out so as not to have to address the difficult questions.
 
Perhaps the events of St Andrews could have been avoided but when fans have concerns and frustrations regarding their club and are met with a wall of silence inevitably protests are going to take place.
 
Just because it’s an international break it doesn’t mean we’ve forgotten the mess Celtic are in and I’m sorry but Dermot you brought this on yourselves.
 
Banning supporters, supporters groups etc might appease your clearly fragile ego but it won’t make the problem go away. The problems run deep.
 
For every fan you ban two will take their place. These frustrations aren’t of the few but rather the many if not all.
 
Rather than claim to be open to fan meeting, actually attend these things, make the club accessible, listen to the people who buy tickets and merch.
 
This hasn’t come out of left field, you cannot be so blind and deaf as not to see and hear the boos ringing out at Celtic Park? Engagement is what we ask for. Yes a very large majority are seeking regime change but again that’s due to your unwillingness to be transparent.
 
No one is denying that Dermot Desmond et al haven’t brought great success to Celtic but at what cost? We’re on the brink of civil war, fan v board, fan v team, and so on and so forth.
 
It’s descending into chaos and yet it was all wholly avoidable.
 
They end the statement with the following - The reputation of Celtic football club is non negotiable.
True - But herein lies yet another problem.
 
We all have a part in defending the reputation of the club but for that to happen everyone needs to be pulling in the same direction.
 
Let me take you back to the 16th of May 2026. Celtic Park - a must win game for the team. Our opponents would have sealed the title with a draw. Celtic needed three points. So already you have the pressure of a title decider. We’d previously lost the league cup to St Mirren and tensions were running high.
 
What transpired that day will live long in the memory, the great escape was complete and the title remained at Celtic. Exuberant fans took to the pitch to celebrate and the press went into meltdown. Claims of Hearts players being assaulted, the good name of Celtic dragged through the mud by the pondlife media. Fans demanding replays, Scottish football once again being castigated by the likes of Simon Jordan and Ally “cheeky chappie and partisan extraordinaire” McCoist. Calls for sanctions on Celtic and Celtic fans all based on the say so of one man - Pat Nevin who claimed to have seen Hearts' Shankland being punched by a Celtic fan.

Hearts FC made statements, Tony Bloom jumping onto TalkSport radio claiming “one or two” Hearts players had been assaulted. Of course None of this actually happened. Yet did the Celtic board come out and defend the fans? Did the reputation of Celtic not matter then?
 
Indeed I’d have thought that would have been the perfect time for the board to speak up for those who work all week to afford a ticket. But no silence, nothing but silence. The reputation of Celtic didn’t matter then. Desmond and the board were happy to paint Celtic fans as thugs and hooligans and remain with lips tighter than a nun’s knicker elastic.
 
Indeed I cannot remember a time when this current regime have spoken up in defence of the fans.
 
If it didn’t matter then how can it matter when a few angry young men throw tennis balls and protest on a golf course? What’s the difference?
 
Simple. Embarrassment.
 
Celtic fans running onto a pitch is easy to condemn, and the club can make a statement asking fans not to do this but it embarrasses no one except perhaps those who invade the park whereas the St Andrews fiasco embarrasses Dermot in front of his mega rich buddies and the whole watching world.
 
This is why the speed at which the statement was issues was so critical. It was damage control but not for the reputation of the club but instead Dermot Desmond himself. When he speaks of it being non-negotiable this has nothing at all to do with Celtic but all about damage limitation for the dictator. DD couldn’t care less on how this looks to Celtic, he’s proven that many times, but as soon as it gets a little too close to home then the presses start printing immediately.
 
Dermot Desmond is a businessman, clearly a very successful one. He’s also a Celtic fan but this statement was never about defending the club but rather defending him.
 
Dermot Desmond isn’t Celtic.
 
Now go and read the statement again but instead of reading “Celtic” read “Dermot” and if you don’t already agree with me you soon will. His ego’s been bruised and that’s what matters to Dermot Desmond.

Anyway that’s my thoughts for this week I can assure you this story won’t end here and no doubt further fall out to come.
 
League football returns to the SPL this weekend so hopefully we can get back to talking about controversial VAR decisions and Masonic conspiracies, you know the stuff that matters 🤣

Enjoy your week, whatever you’re doing do it well do it safely and have fun

Til next time …… 🐼 

🐼 Gary Robertson is the TPQ Scottish football correspondent.

Ergo Ego

Gary Robertson ⚽As I’ve stated many times before I’m no fan of international matches so the prospect of watching Scotland line up against Slovenia on Saturday hardly filled me with joy.
 
According to UEFA Scotland are ranked 19th and Slovenia 26th so it looked, for those interested, a perfect opportunity for the Pocognoli era to hit the ground running.
 
Instead what we saw, yes I endured it, for research purposes you understand, was another display of mediocre football.
 
Simply put, both sides were rubbish. The highlight, yes highlight, was seeing Billy Gilmour back in a Scotland top. Otherwise it was same old, same old. Missed chances, poor defending and misplaced passes. Just when you thought maybe a game of football might break out the footballing Gods decided that was enough excitement and the game quickly descended back into the realms of that most descriptive of Scottish words “pish.”
 
The only consolation being at least we are spared another episode of east end soap opera Janefield Street.
 
Martin O’Neill, at time of writing, is still the main character but as time goes by he’s slowly morphing from loveable rebel into villainous defender of the cabal. He must be asking himself if the scripts he’s working with are worth the aggravation. There will be no Bobby Ewing moment for Martin, it wasn’t a dream dude. Celtic really are that bad.
 
So bad in fact, as therapy I’ve found myself watching highlights of matches from yesteryear online and trying to remain positive. Indeed it would be unfair of me not to mention the positive vibes I received in a comment from Steve R. Honestly the last person I expected to put a virtual arm around me and tell me it will get better. It’s amazing the difference a few kind words can make.
 
There was however some Scottish football at the weekend. The Scottish challenge cup - The KDM evolution trophy as it’s known this year.
 
A chance for Premier League “big boys” B teams to compete against established teams from the lower divisions. With names such as Galafairydean Rovers from Galashiels in the Scottish Borders and Clachnacuddin of Inverness it’s the perfect opportunity for fringe players from Rangers, Celtic etc to get some much needed game time. This was all too evident for Hearts who’s B team suffered a soul destroying 14-0 defeat at the hands of Ross County at the Global Energy Stadium. True it didn’t help that Hearts played much of the match with ten men due to Flockhart seeing red for the Jambos in the 34th minute. However, even by then Hearts looked miles off it and were already 4-0 down.
 
A score line like that can rip the fighting spirit out of any player and I hope these lads realise that strange things happen in football and not to become too disheartened. Sure it’s not good but it’s part of a learning experience and you can take the lesson and work on what needs to improve.
 
Other B teams fared slightly better.
 
Celtic drawing 3-3 with the aforementioned Clachnacuddin, Rangers going down 4-2 to Queen of the South at Palmerston Park in Dumfries, Dundee United losing out narrowly to Forfar 2-1, Bonnyrigg Rose, a Midlothian team based 8 miles outside Edinburgh to the south east managed to put 3 past Motherwell with no reply, Hibernian falling to a 2-1 defeat at Galabank the home of Annan, Hamilton overcoming Kilmarnock's B team 3-0, Dundee losing out 1-0 in a Friday night showdown with Spartans.
 
Indeed the only Premiership second side that managed a win this weekend were St Mirren who overcame Cumbernauld Colts 4-2. So it’s hats off to them for a fine performance.
 
Friday also saw four Scottish Championship matches with the highlight being Stenhousemuir who overcame Ayr United to extend their lead at the top of the table to eight points after second placed Raith Rovers were defeated 2-0 by third placed Livingston. It’s early in the season but building a lead in the league can be crucial even at this stage, and Stenny are going about their business with professionalism.
 
Sunday saw the first women’s Glasgow Derby of the season, with both teams on fifteen points this looked on paper at least a tasty fixture.
 
For both sets of fans it’s showed however the pendulum of power is slowing swinging in the direction of Rangers.
 
After the men’s team having disappointed us for weeks it was a chance for the fans to find something to smile about. However it was not to be and a 5-2 rout by a rampant Rangers side reminded us that things aren’t ribbons and roses at Paradise and the disease that has swept through the men’s team- loseritus has infiltrated the ladies squad too.
 
Winning is a good habit to have, losing can also be habit forming and I hope for Celtic women this is just a blip and winning ways will be restored soon.
 
As for the men’s team I still maintain surgery is needed and fast. But that’s a story for another day.
So there you have it, another weekend in the wonderful world of Scottish football.
 
I enjoy writing these pieces as it’s nice just to switch off for a while from what’s going on in the world around us. When Anthony McIntyre asked me if I’d be interested in writing for the blog I’ll admit I was excited, humbled and rather nervous all at the same time. I mean I couldn’t say no, opportunities like this don’t come around every day. And a chance to bring fans closer to their respective teams and what’s happening both on and off the park is both a privilege and excellent therapy. I try to keep the swearing to a minimum, otherwise some weeks you might end up with a string of expletives followed by “Celtic” but I write as I think, and yes sometimes the odd one will creep into conversation. It happens, it’s football it’s one of those things.
 
Anyway whatever you’re doing do it well, stay safe and be happy.

🐼 Gary Robertson is the TPQ Scottish football correspondent.

Soap Operas

Gary Robertson ⚽There are no longer any excuses.

Celtic are a team in terminal decline.
 
We witnessed the LASK fiasco, the Rangers capitulation, the humiliation by Ferencváros. And the icing on the cake - the white flag waving surrender at Celtic Park to Rangers once again on Sunday.
 
I’m certain I can’t be the only one who, whilst trying to remain outwardly optimistic, knew deep down that Celtic would lose.
 
Again - and I feel like a broken record - no one should ever expect victory. On any given day any team can pull off a result. It’s not the losing that hurts but how you lose.
 
It was a cowardly performance. There are too many on the park wearing a shirt they don’t belong in.
 
Celtic a team born from adversity, tragedy and necessity, a team with a fighting spirit, have become the whipping boys of Scottish football. No one fears us anymore and rightly so. What’s to fear? We’re as toothless as your average Tommy Robinson fanboy and as cowardly as the keyboard warriors on social media who know full well they’d never say to your face the things they’ll post online.
 
There’s no fight, no grit, nothing.
 
We all watched it. Some now celebrating and well done to them. Clearly McInnes has Martin's measure. Derek set up a plan, his team played their football and managed to outfox Celtic.
 
Of course, from my perspective and that of Celtic fans around the globe, it’s been as painful as nailing your genitals to the floor. Again we’re willing to endure if the team are at least giving us reason to believe but they’re not.
 
I checked player ratings after the game, and without singling out any particular player we had 3s and 4s with a couple of 6s At Home against The Rangers.
 
We’re not playing PSG, Barcelona or Bayern - it’s Rangers and our players are clueless.
 
Of course at the final whistle the rumour mill went into meltdown with tales of O’Neill leaving, takeovers, player strikes all sorts. And whilst these are fun to play with online I’d much prefer to stick to facts and the facts are this:

⚽The board are failing the manager
⚽The manager is failing the team
⚽The team are failing the fans
⚽The fans are becoming irate with the board
⚽The board are remaining silent (or at best some pathetic rebuilding for the future excuse)

. . . And so on. 

It’s a vicious circle that needs to be broken and fast. Celtic need major investment. A clear out from top to bottom. Dare I say a new manager? Yes, but more so for 74 year old Martin's sake and his health. A clear out of the dead wood and new younger hungrier players brought in. The old adage that Rome wasn’t built in a day applies here but I’m sure we’d all accept a few lean years if we at least saw progress. I know I would. Right now the only progress in the Glasgow fishbowl of football is with Rangers.
 
Celtic had an opportunity to open an eight point gap on Sunday. Instead our lead is cut to two.
 
Some may say it’s overreacting, melodramatic perhaps to be so concerned at this situation but I’d argue apathy is what’s landed us here now.
 
The happy clappers who tell people like me to “get behind the team it’s now they need you” are fucking deluded.
 
We got behind the team, we’ve been behind this team for decades, we’ve seen bad teams, bad players, bad managers but there was always hope, always something to believe in. Players would pull on that jersey and play with pride, they’d walk onto that hallowed turf and know Celtic isn’t a club, it’s a cause. They’d understand the history, what it meant to play there, and we would at least admire their efforts and performances. This Celtic team have given us nothing to cling onto in the last few games. As I said before scraping one goal victories against new promoted sides or bottom six side teams made us look far better than we are. Our first real challenge, and we crash out of the League cup. Our first real challenge in the league and we roll over and surrender.
 
I suppose we can be grateful for small mercies in that it’s three weeks now til Celtic play again (Away to Motherwell on Oct 11th) so that’ll give us time for the pain to subside. Instead we can be disappointed by Scotland, oh what joy.
 
After the match on Sunday I noticed I’d spilled coffee on my shirt so I quickly removed it and launched it across the kitchen to my washing pile. It landed in the bin and for several hours I swithered whether to leave it there but at 0130am it got its reprieve. However it might be stuck on a hanger and hidden away in the wardrobe for a while as right now Celtic are genuinely affecting my mental health.
I’m sure I’m not alone.
 
So yes I apologise that this weeks column is shorter than usual and nothing but gloom and despair but right now a very heavy dark cloud hangs over Paradise.
 
We’re left now to speculate. Will Martin walk? Will Desmond sell up? Will the team find the form we so desperately need them to? Or will we in fact be travelling home from Motherwell after another rank rotten performance?

Time will tell but one thing is for certain we will still be Celtic fans/supporters. That doesn’t change. The one constant is in our DNA. We’re not “fair weather” fans, we’re people who over the years have invested hundreds if not thousands of pounds into Celtic. We’ve been entertained, we’ve celebrated and we’ve cried together but we’ve walked on with hope in our hearts as the song says but right now I think it’s safe to say that hope is wearing thin.
 
I’ll wake up tomorrow, next week, next year (if God spares me) a Celtic fan but I beg of this team - find some passion, some pride. Give us fans a team to believe in. We’ll accept defeat if that defeat is matched with determination. What we can’t continue to witness is this Celtic team thrashing around like a beached salmon waiting to be put out its misery.
 
There’s a magpie that often lands on the fence outside my sitting room window. I wish he’d bring a friend.

Finally fuck Ed Sheeran

🐼 Gary Robertson is the TPQ Scottish football correspondent.

Nailing Genitals To The Floor

Gary Robertson ⚽“It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine” sang REM.

The song itself isn’t literally about the end of the world but it rather sums up how I’m feeling having watched Celtic crumble again away from home. This time to Rangers.
 
This wasn’t heroic failure, this wasn’t “well they left everything on the pitch but just came up short” - no, this was hands up, white flag waving surrender and yet somewhere in the back of the mind of every Celtic fan we have to think “we saw this coming.”
 
Celtic haven’t been a great watch this season. Yes yours truly has been guilty of overhyping the team at times but as poor as Rangers have been, Celtic weren’t a great deal better.
 
Having themselves crashed out of Europe, humiliated by LASK in Austria and demoted to the Europa League, other than a 3-0 drubbing of Aberdeen (a very very poor Aberdeen side (who’ll probably beat us at Pittodrie)) Celtic have scraped by on 1 goal victories. 1-0 v newly promoted St Johnstone 2-1 v Falkirk, 2-1 v St Mirren. Eventually the luck was bound to run out, and so it did spectacularly on Sunday.
 
There was no fluke about this victory either, Rangers wanted it more and Celtic fans are left in the cold grey dawn of a miserable Monday to reflect.
 
So let’s reflect. Starting line up. Sam Johnstone in goal. An on loan keeper who’s chucked in to what is potentially the biggest game he’s ever likely to play in. Clearly nervous, making mistakes from early on his nervousness seemed to permeate throughout the team. Austin Trusty regular centre back benched but ready to come on as a substitute if needed yet never did. Tounekti who must have, by now, played his last game for Celtic, along with McGregor in midfield, who seemed to have forgotten which team he played for as pass after pass landed at the feet of a Rangers player. Nygren who looked decidedly uninterested whilst Høgh and Durán receiving little to no service and when Høgh did finally find the ball at his feet managed to fall over it or slip.
 
I cannot for the life of me understand why you’d go out and buy attacking players then nullify that attack by being unable to get the ball to them in the first place. Our midfield were awful, our defence nervous and our attack missing in action.
 
Where Rangers got their tactics spot on Celtic had no plan b to counter them.
 
Every position Rangers were better, every attack they looked dangerous. The same obviously cannot be said for Celtic.
 
So how can “I feel fine” about this?
 
Simple really. We got what we deserved.
 
If Celtic had turned up won by a solitary goal we’d be ignoring the facts and instead celebrating another Glasgow Derby victory.
 
Good teams will run all over this Rangers team and that’s worrying from a Celtic perspective. We are bereft of quality players in midfield, in defence and most definitely between the sticks. Many have said this for weeks and I’ve been guilty of burying my head in the sand, hoping that the fragility of this team wouldn’t be exposed. We knew it was there, but some of us tried hard to pretend it was a temporary glitch and things would click into place. We’ve rode our luck on numerous occasions and when teams have found our Achilles heel they’ve brutally exploited it. LASK did it, Rangers did it and no doubt others will too.
 
Martin O’Neill and his back room staff must also take their share of the blame. There was a look of “I don’t know what to do” on Martin’s face. Panic substitutions, too little and too late. Why Tounekti starts before Hassan is head scratchingly bizarre. Surely you play your strongest available eleven from the start and make individual substitutions as players tire or to change formation? But not Celtic. For some reason Martin et al decide to play with weak links and then pray it wouldn’t blow up in their face.
 
It was evident from the tenth minute that Rangers were the side likely to win this match. As early as the tenth minute. The biggest surprise being it took to the 23rd minute to expose Celtic's weaknesses. At half time with the score 1-0 to the home side I fully expected a change of shape, defence solidified and Tounekti hooked. Only one of these things actually happened. Instead we played with the same formation and created very very little. When Rangers added a second on 59 mins a third looked inevitable. And so it transpired as Rangers' hero of the hour Dan Neill powered home his second and the Rangers had their victory and their new idol.
 
So were there any positives for Celtic fans? Yes two perhaps. We might never see Johnstone or Tounekti in Celtic shirts again.
 
The fear is this may only be the beginning. We have Europa League football to endure this Thursday before facing Rangers again at home next Sunday.
 
Both on and off the pitch serious questions need to be asked from the board to the management down to the team.
 
Celtic faced a blue tsunami on Sunday and were ill prepared for what they were about to face and it showed.
 
Battered, bruised and bullied, swept away by a team who simply wanted it more. A team with a point to prove.
 
So as I sit here reflecting I have to congratulate both the Rangers team and management for what was a fully deserved win. For as bad as Celtic were Rangers somehow managed to make them look worse.
A week is a long time in football but is it long enough? I guess next weekend will tell us much much more.

So that’s it from me this week. I can’t sugar coat this, putting a ribbon on dog shit doesn’t make it anything other than dog shit with a bow on top.

Enjoy your week, whatever you're doing, do it safely, be happy (if possible) and be well.

🐼 Gary Robertson is the TPQ Scottish football correspondent.

Ineffective, Useless And Embarrassing

Gary Robertson ⚽ Michel Nostradamus I am not.

His quatrains predicted events such as the rise of the moustachioed Austrian and the nuclear bomb.

Me, on the other hand couldn’t, predict night following day as evidenced by the hole in my bank account every (most) Mondays after a weekend “investing” on football matches.
 
It’s a mug's game, those of us who like to think we can beat the bookmaker are generally left licking our wounds.
 
Having been on both sides, both poacher and gamekeeper, having worked for a large high street bookmaker I’ve seen the damage gambling can do to people, to families. And while I laugh at my own failures I also recognise that for some it can be a serious problem and for those people I beg you reach out and ask for help. There are numerous online tools available, bookmakers themselves have a responsibility to help and a word with them can often be the first stage to recovery. For those in that position I ask you to reach out, there’s no shame in asking for help.
 
You may be wondering what all this has to do with Scottish football so let me explain. The leagues themselves are sponsored by betting giant William Hill, numerous clubs including Celtic have gambling companies as shirt sponsors and advertising hoardings display the names of bookmakers, casinos and the like. It’s hard to escape from and all designed to encourage us to part with cash.
 
Now I’m not going to get all preachy about this, I mean sponsorship is a big part of the game these days and without it many clubs wouldn’t survive but there must be alternatives surely.
 
If clubs are to be sponsored by bookmakers I’d like to see more mention of groups such as GamCare GambleAware and the RCA trust also. Clubs should be forced to give greater exposure to these charities rather than a small hoarding tucked away in the corner of the pitch.
 
Many of us like a flutter, myself included, but for some it becomes less about fun and more about need. It becomes addictive and then it becomes a problem.
 
Clubs have a responsibility to their fans and rather than a quickly garbled message at the end of a tv advert the realities of gambling addiction should be shown.
 
Ireland has some of the most powerful anti drink driving advertising I have ever seen and I’d like to see problem gambling addressed similarly.
 
Sorry to be a bummer, when I try to make my columns light hearted but it’s something I wanted to talk about and if it helps just one person then I think we can all agree that it’s worth it right?

So onto the football . . .  after all, that’s why you’re here.
 
Wednesday saw almost a full Premier League card, only the Edinburgh derby held off til Thursday, no doubt a decision made by the broadcasters but I guess he who pays the piper, anyway . . . 

Celtic (who are only just regaining my trust after the CL exit) faced an Aberdeen side in transition.

Bearing in mind Aberdeen lost by a solitary goal to McInnes' Rangers I expected this game to be tighter than it was. So when Duran's shot hit the underside of the bar and landed into the back of the net on 14 mins the signs looked ominous for the Dons and so it proved to be. With goals from Nygren on 34 mins and Yang in the first minute of first half stoppage time it was a comfortable enough night in a rain sodden Glasgow for the hoops. Aberdeen did look threatening at times but the night belonged to the Celts. 

Elsewhere, St Mirren continued their four from four record with a 1-0 victory away to Kilmarnock. Rangers look like they might finally be getting their act together with a 2-1 victory away at Falkirk with both goals coming from the boot of Captain and Scotland international Shankland. Motherwell landed their first home victory of the season with a 3-0 hammering of Jim Goodwin's Dundee United. The man himself still recovering at home and we wish him a speedy recovery. United themselves played the majority of the game with ten men after Agyei saw red in the 14th min. Even so they look like a team lacking confidence and certainly played like one. Fans of the Arabs must be having sleepless nights. Elsewhere St Johnstone continued to show they belong in the SPL with a 1-1 draw against Dundee.
 
So to Edinburgh and the Derby.
 
These games are almost usually impossible to predict yet somehow this one seemed entirely predictable. Hearts racing into a 2-0 lead by halftime, the game looking all but over by the time the second half began. A glimmer of light for the home fans in 51 minutes from Mayor was quickly extinguished when Hibs Iredale's reckless challenge saw him receive a second yellow in the 62nd minute, and it was left to former St Johnstone striker Joshua McPake to seal the victory for Hearts with a lovely solo effort beating three men before his deflected shot eluded Hibs Keeper Sallinger and sent the Jambos back across the city with Cheshire cat grins.
 
Where Thursday was a great advert for Scottish football Saturday afternoon at least was anything but. Aberdeen and Kilmarnock managing to both avoid scoring and whilst I didn’t watch this I suspect the biggest cheer came when the ref blew the final whistle and everyone could go home. It’s a fair hike from the granite city to the home of pie, a 336 mile round trip or there abouts, no this wasn’t sexy football, total football - it was instead two poor teams both desperately seeking a lift neither finding that killer spark. I endured the highlights (I use that term in its broadest sense) so you don’t need too. The sacrifices I make for TPQ 🙄. Thankfully even the SPFL chaps didn’t drag this one out so it wasn’t a tough four and a half mins. It was at least a beautiful early autumn day for it with the sun shining for most of the match.
 
Rangers' revival continued with a goal gifted to them by Motherwell keeper Paulsen in the 12th minute whose footwork to evade the onrushing Naderi handed the ball to the big German, and he slashed the ball into an empty net. In fairness Paulsen did redeem himself though with some fine saves, and Motherwell did have their chances to equalise but this was Rangers revenge for the 3-2 defeat suffered last season at the hands of the Steelmen.
 
Worrying times though for the Ibrox faithful as captain and top scorer Shankland limped off early (to be replaced by Naderi) with what the club are calling a “significant injury”. With two Glasgow derbies ahead in the next 2 weeks this isn’t the news Rangers fans needed.
 
So to Saturday evening and Celtic travels to Paisley. A top of the table clash with both sides unbeaten I myself wasn’t confident as Celtic have struggled at St Mirren before, and with the home side in such excellent form we knew it would be a tough evening.
 
I’m a fan of Liam Scales. I think the big Irishman sometimes ends up being the fall guy when things go wrong for Celtic and some of the criticism he receives is unjustified. However …
 
In the 19th minute a rush of blood to the head, an arm outstretched leading to a penalty for St Mirren (eventually) fired past Sinisalo by Agrafoitis, I felt it was hard to continue to back him. That weight lifted from his shoulders he actually went on to have a really good game but more of that later. 

The Celts did think we’d equalised in the 29th minute through Duràn but after much deliberation between VAR and Ref Ryan Lee it was deemed Duràn's big toe was offside, and therefore the goal was ruled out. 1-0 to the home side at half time, and whilst all hope wasn’t lost it didn’t look promising. Cometh the hour though and Cometh the man and a spectacular header from Scales in the 51st minute restored my fickle faith and all was forgiven. From there on in a Celtic victory looked assured, and when Yang raced clean through in the 68th minute and slotted home past the despairing Chapman points were only heading one way. The night was marred however by scenes on 73 minutes where a clash between Asian games bound Yang and Chapman saw the Celtic midfielder look shaken up as he was quickly substituted by Martin O’Neill. Lucky to escape injury the South Korean heads off now to compete elsewhere while Celtic are left with the headache of trying to fill the hole he’s left.
 
Finally Sunday and 2 x 2-1 victories for Hearts and St Johnstone over Dundee and Hibs respectively rounded off the weekend rather nicely.
 
Hearts leaving it late with an 84th minute penalty to equalise before Dundee were reduced to ten in 91 minutes and the home side winning the match with a 96th minute strike from Kerjota.
 
At McDiarmid Park all the action occurred in the first half with the home side taking the lead the away side equalising and a penalty on 41 minutes settling the score and leaving the points in Perth.

So what’s next?
 
There’s midweek fixtures but I guess most of us are looking forward to Saturday and the first Glasgow Derby of the season. Sadly no away fans this year after the disgraceful scenes at Ibrox last season where cardboard gangsters in balaclavas raced three quarters of the way across a pitch to then stop, stand, gesticulate, then run back into the stands. Awful scenes of course blown up by the Scottish media that highlights a far deeper rooted problem in Scottish society. A problem we’ve addressed before and I’m sure we will again.

In the meantime whatever you’re doing be safe, be happy and stay well.

🐼 Gary Robertson is the TPQ Scottish football correspondent.

Before The Fun Stops, Stop

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