As I’ve said before I’m a bit of a traditionalist in so much as I like the opening day of the football season to start at 3pm on the first Saturday.
However this year the footballing Gods (Sky TV, who else) decided in their infinite wisdom that it would start on a Friday night and not with the champions unfurling the flag but instead last season's bronze medal winners and seventh place teams raising the curtain. Don’t get me wrong - it’s nice to see the smaller clubs get the spotlight occasionally but only in Scotland can you be forced to wait til Monday evening to watch the champions kick off. It’s not even a bank holiday!
It is what it is though and now that money rules the game, he who pays the piper etc, we’re left with little option but to put up and shut up.
I can already hear you yelling “get on with it”, so get on with it I shall but just know am a bit pissed off with this Monday night madness.
Friday night and Rangers travelled to Tannadice to face Dundee Utd. Much has been made of the Gers' new signings, and with former player and fan in charge, Derek “we wiz robbed” McInnes' men set out to prove they would be a force to reckon with in the coming months ahead. Least that was the plan but Lachlan Rose, hadn’t read the script and duly rained on McInnes' parade with a goal, a tap in but they all count (mostly see VAR 🙄) on 38 minutes. Suddenly the reported advice of “Just win” that the manager had given his men had become “don’t lose” and United looked worthy of their lead.
The second half though definitely belonged to Rangers. When Aasgaard equalised in the 56th minute for most of the remainder of the game it looked like the points would be heading to Ibrox.
Ah but how things could have been so different for United, as in the 84th minute - and with only the keeper to beat - New Zealander Jesse Randall was clean through on goal only to watch his tame shot be caught comfortably by Rangers' Pandur. Try as they might neither side could find that winning goal and 1-1 at full time just about sums it up.
Saturday and the first of “it’s not over til the fat lady sings” matches of season 26/27 (yes it’s nearly 2027 bet that makes you feel old, it sure does me) and last year's runners up Hearts travelled to the granite city of Aberdeen.
Hearts with new manager in place and without their talisman Shankland (who followed his manager along the M8 to Glasgow) had a lot of rebuilding to do in the close season but when McEntee put the visitors ahead in the 35th minute it looked like business as usual for the Jambos. As the clock ticked round to the 90th minute the away fans celebrating Lewis Mayo touched home a Dan Happe effort from a Stuart Armstrong free kick the tide turned rapidly and it all fell apart for Hearts. Firstly Finlay seeing red and finally Nesbit slotting home a penalty on 95 minutes the turn around was complete. Fitba - don’t you just love it!
Meanwhile at Falkirk, St Mirren took care of business running out two nil winners for manager Craig McLeish who had recently secured the job on a permanent basis. Least as permanent is in football.
Sunday and a seven goal thriller at McDairmid Park Perth where championship winners St Johnstone carried on their excellent form from last season to eke out a 4-3 win against hapless Kilmarnock. An own goal apiece and a winner for Saints' Kai Fotheringham in the 80th minute, a game that wasn’t short on excitement. And whilst scoring four was an achievement a worrying aspect must be conceding three. If St Johnstone are to survive then they’ll quickly need to learn how to defend.
Last up on Sunday we have Hibernian against Motherwell at Easter Road, Edinburgh. Motherwell without Askou who’s moved on to pastures new under new manager Alfred Johansson are determined to play a similar style and push on from last season. And whilst they lacked some of the fluency we had been used to they still managed to run out 2-1 winners in a fiercely fought battle with a penalty apiece and a late winner from Said sending the Steelmen and their fans back home with hope in their hearts.
I made no secret of the fact I was a fan of Askous style and it’ll be a big ask for the new manager to continue in that groove he already looks like his team are gelling well though so who knows. Time will tell.
Monday it rained a lot.
It’s Scotland it rains a lot
That was it pretty much all day
There were sporadic glimpses of blue sky and the occasional shaft of sunlight but it’s beginning to look like the summers I remember when I was a scruffy urchin many moons ago.
Even the prospect of Celtic returning to the Premiership stage did little to lift spirits.
In reality much of Monday was spent watching replays on YouTube, highlights just in case I missed something and watching the movie “Ted 2” (for those unfamiliar it’s about a teddy bear that comes to life, yes I’m an adult and yes there’s lots of swearing, innuendo and drug taking) but I digress.
To be honest I was killing time til the silky skills to rival Barcelona were again on show at Paradise.
With a plethora of new signings (ok a small plethora i.e. two) Celtic took to the pitch at 7-27, a guard of honour provided by the visiting team. As the fireworks crashed and crackled in the early evening skies above Glasgow, and McGregor unfurled the championship flag, the nerves began to kick in (either that or the fish I had earlier) and a wave of panic swept over me.
I’m a smoker for my sins. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy a wee hauf but too many “old man tablets” as my son calls them and alcohol rarely mix so I forego the pleasure of a hangover and instead wheeze and cough my way through matches these days.
I like you dear reader and because of that I won’t insult your intelligence. The first half at Celtic Park was dreadful. No it really was. I mean, even the most ardent of fan must have been questioning whether there may have been a better movie or a discourse on the mating habits of hedgehogs and whether infidelity is prevalent among their communities on another channel to tear them away from the mind numbing mediocrity that was well, Celtic.
The second half must be better than this wasn’t the incentive I was looking for. I mean any worse and Sky would be demanding their money back. So to convince myself it must be better was far from difficult. Perhaps the ball would stun an unwary pigeon and we’d have ten mins of the RSPB giving it beak to mouth or something. I don’t know quite where my mind goes to at times, again I digress.
Goal!!!!
Wait what?
Celtic 1 Dundee 0 - Nygren 52 minute.
Surely the floodgates will open and now the nerves have gone it’ll be 3, 4 or 5 for the Hoops. It wasn’t
It ended one-nil. Am I glad? Of course it’s 3 points but there’s big gaps in this team and times running out. We need players Dermot.
I’m not holding out much hope.
One man who did seem a little too excited was Ian “Old Firrn” Crocker who must have been delighted when both James and Alan Forrest arrived on the pitch at almost the same time.
I’m not a fan of Ian “I’m impartial but I want Rangers to win the treble” Crocker and even I worried the poor guy was about to succumb to spontaneous human combustion as he genuinely must have mentioned their relationship 20 times.
By the way turns out hedgehogs are absolute sluts. Who’d have thought it huh?
See this is the stuff Animal Planet charge you for - here it’s given freely.
You’re welcome.
















