Anthony McIntyre  writes in Being Human on life in Drogheda's Death Café.

Drogheda is a location which has two cemeteries within walking distance of its town centre. Situated on the North and South of the Boyne River, there is probably no more than 2 kilometres separating both. The town’s footfall is familiar with the sight of funeral corteges making the last journey for the deceased to either of the final resting places.

It would be sensationalist to say death stalks the streets of Drogheda, but it is certainly a feature. If there is a dread of death expressing itself in the sentiment there for the grace of whatever go I, a body has sprang up in the town which aims to help people better understand the end of life and assuage the anxiety associated with it.

The Drogheda Death Café is the outworking of an idea nurtured by two Co Louth women, Liza Clancy and Sarah Gardiner. Although not articulated as such, it is something that rests comfortably in a wider concept known as the Death Positive movement, developed by Megan Rosenbloom and Caitlin Doughty. The latter asking: ‘Why are there a zillion websites and references to being sex positive and nothing for being death positive?’

Launched earlier this year, the Drogheda Death Café hopes to complete its fourth event of 2022. The organisers, Liza and Sarah, go the extra mile to make the setting a relaxed and social affair. Even when staged on the premises of the town’s leading funeral director, there was not a scintilla of the morbidity that people often associate with such settings.

Liza and Sarah are qualified celebrants. Their work brings them into the living world of funerary ritual. Liza stressed to Being Human, the importance of ritual to the human condition. As death the world over is an event saturated in ritualism, both women were puzzled as to why there was a reluctance for death to be if not a taboo subject, then certainly a hush one. Their objective is to get people to discuss death more than is currently fashionable. She insists that the Drogheda Death Café is not a therapy session or a grief circle. Its emphasis is on seeking to demystify the greatest mystery in the world: in other words, there is nothing mysterious about it – in order to live all life has to be capable of dying. Nothing that cannot die by necessity can never have lived. To that end both Liza and Sarah have created an environment in which people can have a conversation. Liza describes it as the pebble thrown into the lake, it ripples out and can have the soothing effect of allaying anxieties.

From the two events I have thus far attended, there is nothing objectionable in that. While the curiosity is restless, the conversation is relaxed. A range of books not often seen in used bookstores, of which Drogheda has many, are laid out letting people know that there is a body of literature they can easily access.

The success of the venture up to now lies in what Liza attributes to the mission of Drogheda Death Café - a life affirming experience. For her, the rug of life can be pulled from beneath your feet in an instant. Recognising that by understanding, rather than dreading through ignorance, the will to live life to the full can be galvanised to the max.

The organisers are not cheerleaders for death, just people who want their fellow human beings to get more out of the life they have. They find that people often do not disarticulate the process of dying from the finality of death. Death is merely the final act, where the curtain comes down never to be raised again. The message seems to be one of manage your dying; the death will manage itself.

⏩ Follow on Twitter @AnthonyMcIntyre.

Life At The Death Café

Anthony McIntyre  writes in Being Human on life in Drogheda's Death Café.

Drogheda is a location which has two cemeteries within walking distance of its town centre. Situated on the North and South of the Boyne River, there is probably no more than 2 kilometres separating both. The town’s footfall is familiar with the sight of funeral corteges making the last journey for the deceased to either of the final resting places.

It would be sensationalist to say death stalks the streets of Drogheda, but it is certainly a feature. If there is a dread of death expressing itself in the sentiment there for the grace of whatever go I, a body has sprang up in the town which aims to help people better understand the end of life and assuage the anxiety associated with it.

The Drogheda Death Café is the outworking of an idea nurtured by two Co Louth women, Liza Clancy and Sarah Gardiner. Although not articulated as such, it is something that rests comfortably in a wider concept known as the Death Positive movement, developed by Megan Rosenbloom and Caitlin Doughty. The latter asking: ‘Why are there a zillion websites and references to being sex positive and nothing for being death positive?’

Launched earlier this year, the Drogheda Death Café hopes to complete its fourth event of 2022. The organisers, Liza and Sarah, go the extra mile to make the setting a relaxed and social affair. Even when staged on the premises of the town’s leading funeral director, there was not a scintilla of the morbidity that people often associate with such settings.

Liza and Sarah are qualified celebrants. Their work brings them into the living world of funerary ritual. Liza stressed to Being Human, the importance of ritual to the human condition. As death the world over is an event saturated in ritualism, both women were puzzled as to why there was a reluctance for death to be if not a taboo subject, then certainly a hush one. Their objective is to get people to discuss death more than is currently fashionable. She insists that the Drogheda Death Café is not a therapy session or a grief circle. Its emphasis is on seeking to demystify the greatest mystery in the world: in other words, there is nothing mysterious about it – in order to live all life has to be capable of dying. Nothing that cannot die by necessity can never have lived. To that end both Liza and Sarah have created an environment in which people can have a conversation. Liza describes it as the pebble thrown into the lake, it ripples out and can have the soothing effect of allaying anxieties.

From the two events I have thus far attended, there is nothing objectionable in that. While the curiosity is restless, the conversation is relaxed. A range of books not often seen in used bookstores, of which Drogheda has many, are laid out letting people know that there is a body of literature they can easily access.

The success of the venture up to now lies in what Liza attributes to the mission of Drogheda Death Café - a life affirming experience. For her, the rug of life can be pulled from beneath your feet in an instant. Recognising that by understanding, rather than dreading through ignorance, the will to live life to the full can be galvanised to the max.

The organisers are not cheerleaders for death, just people who want their fellow human beings to get more out of the life they have. They find that people often do not disarticulate the process of dying from the finality of death. Death is merely the final act, where the curtain comes down never to be raised again. The message seems to be one of manage your dying; the death will manage itself.

⏩ Follow on Twitter @AnthonyMcIntyre.

9 comments:

  1. All that matters is a dignified death. A few years back a friend became terminal and threw a great fairwell shindig, all the people she helped came to say goodbye. I'd no idea she was a huge helper for Afghanistan refugees long before 911. Dozens came to bade her love. Moving. When I check out I want to blast every single illegal narcotic on a month long bender. Better to burn out than fade away.

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    1. Burn out or fade away, so long as it is your choice. A dignified death is crucial in my view. The Aussies seem to have a great system in place where they provide you with a "black box" that you might wish to use should things become unbearable. If the bishop doesn't like it the bishop doesn't have to use it. It is none of his business if you or me use it.

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    2. It's astonishing how compassion for the terminally ill brings out the worst in some people. Luckily I live in a State where VAD (Voluntary Assisted Dying) is legal and well regulated. From memory I think two Doctors need to sign off on you being terminal and expecting an unacceptable determination in quality of life along with obviously being of sound mind. It's not perfect, some conditions doctors are reluctant to sign off on, but it beats the shite out of rotting away in an Nursing Home. I fully intend to trip balls before I slid sideways into the light!

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  2. This sounds like an interesting place. I'll need to pop in next time I'm in Drogheda.

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    1. it is an event Brandon, not a location. The location changes place for each meeting and it is a cafe only for as long as the event takes place. It is not something you can drop into like a bar - unless it is sitting.

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  3. "The message seems to be one of manage your dying; the death will manage itself"
    So true. Some people have horrific deaths. My mate died in his sleep, the perfect way to go in my opinion.
    Nothingness didn't bother us before we existed so, why would it bother us after we don't? The problem is that religious nonsense has conditioned us to think there is an afterlife. This is a major cause of anxiety in some. Once you dispense with all that ballix it is much easier to rationalise your end.

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    1. I wholly concur with that Peter. I haven't met a religious person yet who knows anything about this supposed afterlife or supreme creator.

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  4. This sounds like the perfect panacea for our "Death denying culture".
    I met and had the opportunity to interview Stephen Jenkinson, author of "Die Wise".
    He describes himself as having worked in "The Death Trade".
    Seeing as though we all get to die, not talking about it is a form of denial.
    https://kevinhester.live/2020/01/09/stephen-jenkinson-returns-to-nature-bats-last/

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