Pack Up Your Troubles In Your Old Kit-Bag and Smile, Smile, Smile - World War 1 marching song. Published 1915.
Boris just back from the statuary battlefront and demanding that the distorted and altered history kids are taught at school continue as reality, lead the charge that over his dead body would Winnie’s statue be taken down, even though practically no-one actually called for him to take it down.
Anyway, Captain Tom couldn’t sing.
In the global hub that is norn iron, our wee country attempted to get back to normal by reducing the safe physical distance for kids down to 1m (not their parents mind you) and opening tourist information centres for non-existent tourists in the vain hope to get one over on Varadkar and the boys south of the British border.
Local pubs began to sell carry-outs of out of date beer, beer that had been lying in their cellars since lockdown began, for prices that were grossly extortionate to the normal extortionate prices people paid 3 months ago for sitting in the bar….the norn iron sheep bleated and paid anyway!
Bars would be officially opened again on July 3rd which is Arlene’s birthday. 50 she’ll be which lead a few to comment - behave yourself, 50 indeed, that was the number of her house!
But let us remember Vera.
– hope to fuck it isn’t soon!
Boris just back from the statuary battlefront and demanding that the distorted and altered history kids are taught at school continue as reality, lead the charge that over his dead body would Winnie’s statue be taken down, even though practically no-one actually called for him to take it down.
A promise that carried as much weight as the promise he made over the third runway at Heathrow.
Boris having resisted from joining in with the defenders revelry, what with the Nazi salutes or relieving himself on one of the statues, felt his narcissism beginning to flounder and craving a fix, or more precisely a serious boost, looked towards his official appointments diary for relief only finding it failing to deliver any cause for potential respite.
Otherwise condemning him to officially meet with that frog, French President Macron on the 80th anniversary of that other frog, De Gaulle’s speech to the French resistance.
A general, who Boris in his own wishful autobiography entitled The Churchill Factor, narcissism never wandering far from the pages of Boris’ world, is referred to as being a waste of space. Macron no doubt being fully versed with Boris’ genuine deceitfulness and racism, nonetheless smiled a diplomatic smile ... with an assassins twinkle in his eye.
Where the fuck was that auld bastard Captain Tom when you needed him - note to self: Get Domo to wake the auld bastard up, get him out of bed and get him down here to No 10 for a photoshop. No, no, no, a photoshoot and get those damn Spitties back in the air too!
Meanwhile, Dominic Raab, sowed confusion among the populace by point blankly refusing to get down on the knee to the Lannisters.
He was the First Secretary of State and Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs and why would he be required to do that … silly notion and dismissed it outright! Black Live Matters attempted to point out the misunderstanding but Dominic was having none of it.
On June 18th, Matt Hancock appeared at a press conference to announce that the much internationally lauded British engineered app for track and trace of COVID-19 and central to the governmental plan of easing lockdown was not going to be ready for June 1st after all.
Not because there was further testing required on the Isle of Wight where it never worked to begin with, in fact it wasn’t going to be available anytime soon because it was crap: it didn’t work. But not to worry as Apple and Google Android, those once much shunned apps in favour of the government’s British engineered app, were available instead - and especially since they worked.
Priti ‘Vacant’ Patel continued to condemn those who protested in a non-lawful and violent manner and threatened to imprison them for up to 10 years for defacing public statues. A length of sentence generally more severe than rape sentences and all over what constitutes a public disorder offence too. Which tends to make Assad in the Levant and the other lads in the Persian Gulf more palatable and less tyrannical.
And so, just as life in Boris’ world was continuing to spiral downwards without any chance of averting his fall in popularity among the plebs, up pops Dame Vera Lynn to save the day. Well actually more supine as she was dead as a dodo. Nevertheless, huzzar…result!
The Battle of Britain was replayed over and over, again and again, in remembrance to Vera with her melodious voice singing in the background highlighting how such dulcet tones lifted the spirits of the Nation during such dark days in the battle for freedom and for democracy and as fought for by Captain Tom.
Although a freedom that Britain’s colonies were later violently denied even though the peoples of these colonies helped Captain Tom retain his freedom but that could all be photoshopped later.
Winnie’s legacy was restored and the altered history of Britain’s past could continue as part of the national education curriculum. No need to mention slavery, plunder, rape or systematic State sanctioned murder nor how Captain Tom and his mates established concentration camps in the 1950s/60s in Britannia’s colonies and subjected the incarcerated to brutal and bloody torture that even the Nazis would have found repulsive and barbaric.
Otherwise condemning him to officially meet with that frog, French President Macron on the 80th anniversary of that other frog, De Gaulle’s speech to the French resistance.
A general, who Boris in his own wishful autobiography entitled The Churchill Factor, narcissism never wandering far from the pages of Boris’ world, is referred to as being a waste of space. Macron no doubt being fully versed with Boris’ genuine deceitfulness and racism, nonetheless smiled a diplomatic smile ... with an assassins twinkle in his eye.
Where the fuck was that auld bastard Captain Tom when you needed him - note to self: Get Domo to wake the auld bastard up, get him out of bed and get him down here to No 10 for a photoshop. No, no, no, a photoshoot and get those damn Spitties back in the air too!
Meanwhile, Dominic Raab, sowed confusion among the populace by point blankly refusing to get down on the knee to the Lannisters.
He was the First Secretary of State and Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs and why would he be required to do that … silly notion and dismissed it outright! Black Live Matters attempted to point out the misunderstanding but Dominic was having none of it.
On June 18th, Matt Hancock appeared at a press conference to announce that the much internationally lauded British engineered app for track and trace of COVID-19 and central to the governmental plan of easing lockdown was not going to be ready for June 1st after all.
Not because there was further testing required on the Isle of Wight where it never worked to begin with, in fact it wasn’t going to be available anytime soon because it was crap: it didn’t work. But not to worry as Apple and Google Android, those once much shunned apps in favour of the government’s British engineered app, were available instead - and especially since they worked.
Priti ‘Vacant’ Patel continued to condemn those who protested in a non-lawful and violent manner and threatened to imprison them for up to 10 years for defacing public statues. A length of sentence generally more severe than rape sentences and all over what constitutes a public disorder offence too. Which tends to make Assad in the Levant and the other lads in the Persian Gulf more palatable and less tyrannical.
And so, just as life in Boris’ world was continuing to spiral downwards without any chance of averting his fall in popularity among the plebs, up pops Dame Vera Lynn to save the day. Well actually more supine as she was dead as a dodo. Nevertheless, huzzar…result!
The Battle of Britain was replayed over and over, again and again, in remembrance to Vera with her melodious voice singing in the background highlighting how such dulcet tones lifted the spirits of the Nation during such dark days in the battle for freedom and for democracy and as fought for by Captain Tom.
Although a freedom that Britain’s colonies were later violently denied even though the peoples of these colonies helped Captain Tom retain his freedom but that could all be photoshopped later.
Winnie’s legacy was restored and the altered history of Britain’s past could continue as part of the national education curriculum. No need to mention slavery, plunder, rape or systematic State sanctioned murder nor how Captain Tom and his mates established concentration camps in the 1950s/60s in Britannia’s colonies and subjected the incarcerated to brutal and bloody torture that even the Nazis would have found repulsive and barbaric.
Anyway, Captain Tom couldn’t sing.
In the global hub that is norn iron, our wee country attempted to get back to normal by reducing the safe physical distance for kids down to 1m (not their parents mind you) and opening tourist information centres for non-existent tourists in the vain hope to get one over on Varadkar and the boys south of the British border.
Local pubs began to sell carry-outs of out of date beer, beer that had been lying in their cellars since lockdown began, for prices that were grossly extortionate to the normal extortionate prices people paid 3 months ago for sitting in the bar….the norn iron sheep bleated and paid anyway!
Bars would be officially opened again on July 3rd which is Arlene’s birthday. 50 she’ll be which lead a few to comment - behave yourself, 50 indeed, that was the number of her house!
But let us remember Vera.
We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when
But I know we'll meet again some sunny day.
– hope to fuck it isn’t soon!
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