I came out of the chip shop with a meat & potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sitting there said “I've not eaten for two days.” I told him, “I wish I had your will power!
I took my biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks and Romanian Gypsies" were not the correct answers.
A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time today. She said, “Sorry about the wait.” I said, “Don't worry dear. You might lose it eventually."
I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop, as I went into the bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said, “Any change?” I said “No, you're still black”.
Snow in the forecast! The TV weather girl said, she was expecting 8 inches tonight.I thought to myself, "Fat chance with a face like that!"
An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks him,“What's wrong?” The boy says,“Me ma is dead”.
“Oh bejaysus,"the man says. “Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?”
The boy replies, “No tanks mister. Sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.”
Years ago it was suggested, that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now muslims, I've found that a bacon sandwich works better !
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such an immensely fast shutter-speed, that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth shut.
I had a Trivia Competition in the bag until the very last question....which I got wrong. The question was, "Where do women have the curliest hair?" Apparently the correct answer was Fiji.
A woman has a medical at the doctors. “You are grossly overweight,” he says.
“I want a 2nd opinion,” she exclaims. “OK. You're bloody ugly as well.”
Former IRA volunteer and ex-prisoner, spent 18 years in Long Kesh, 4 years on the blanket and no-wash/no work protests which led to the hunger strikes of the 80s. Completed PhD at Queens upon release from prison. Left the Republican Movement at the endorsement of the Good Friday Agreement, and went on to become a journalist. Co-founder of The Blanket, an online magazine that critically analyzed the Irish peace process. Lead researcher for the Belfast Project, an oral history of the Troubles.
FUCK IT, LET'S OFFEND EVERYONE!!!
ReplyDeleteI came out of the chip shop with a meat & potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sitting there said “I've not eaten for two days.” I told him, “I wish I had your will power!
I took my biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks and Romanian Gypsies" were not the correct answers.
A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time today. She said, “Sorry about the wait.”
I said, “Don't worry dear. You might lose it eventually."
I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop, as I went into the bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said, “Any change?” I said “No, you're still black”.
Snow in the forecast! The TV weather girl said, she was expecting 8 inches tonight.I thought to myself, "Fat chance with a face like that!"
An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks him,“What's wrong?” The boy says,“Me ma is dead”.
“Oh bejaysus,"the man says. “Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?”
The boy replies, “No tanks mister. Sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.”
Years ago it was suggested, that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now muslims, I've found that a bacon sandwich works better !
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such an immensely fast shutter-speed, that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth shut.
I had a Trivia Competition in the bag until the very last question....which I got wrong. The question was, "Where do women have the curliest hair?" Apparently the correct answer was Fiji.
A woman has a medical at the doctors. “You are grossly overweight,” he says.
“I want a 2nd opinion,” she exclaims. “OK. You're bloody ugly as well.”