The Road to Damascus - Fair Faa Ye Tae Ulster!

Sean Mallory has a laugh at the woes of the DUP.

Unionism, having spent the weekend lost in translation and initially in recriminating disarray, began the week with clichéd conciliatory tones in a pathetic effort to restore order to their Stormont.  

Prior to the election and unlike her grand descent down the Stormont stairs to the Assembly chamber, surrounded by her obsequious coterie of lackeys, Heir Foster, in less chic surroundings stood outside Stormont in the cold morning air. Accompanied by her Deputy, Dodd's, she hinted at ways for her to step aside while being pushed aside by her own party, and having learned nothing from her ‘not an inch’ stance called on the Unionist community to unite under one party.

Triumphant, jubilant and most likely at some point quite inebriated with their success, SF also offered the olive branch but with barbs that could make it difficult and painful for her to grasp.

Within the DUP, Paisley Jr, having successfully killed two birds with one stone and accompanied by the background laughter of Ruth Patterson, continued on with his journey of conversion from Ian to Liam.

On Saturday morning on Vote17 he, in what sounded almost sincere, offered the olive branch without barbs. Nationalist watching and in shock, reflected the impact of Paisley's words as they slowly lifted themselves off their living room floors and back on to their sofas.

Junior aired his desire for a time when all involved showed mutual respect and understanding towards each other. Repeating the clichés of the opposition and avoiding Foster's mantra, Junior went on to repeat his father’s mantra that it was up to Unionists to convince Nationalists that their best interests lay within the UK. Did Junior see the writing on the wall for Unionist hegemony before the election?

As olive branches were being swapped, the detritus of the DUP began to review where it all went wrong for mainly themselves and not just the party.

Emma Little Pengelly blamed her own political demise on the management of fliers by her newly elected number 2, Christopher Salford ... who incidentally denied all knowledge! 

Nelson McCausland, in a late attempt at saving his bigoted political career, went to rap as many doors as he could on the night before polling and took up a stand outside the polling station in North Belfast on polling day and in the heavy downpours too! Too late to avert disaster, McCausland must have wondered where it all went wrong. Here's a hint Nelson:

“I wouldn’t care what sort of situation I face as long as I’m out of Europe.” DUP Nelson McCausland, frustrated at being questioned on Brexit and its impact on NI.

In response:

Fair fa’ your honest, sonsie face, Great Chieftain o’ the Puddin-race! Robert Burns: Address to the Haggis

Maurice Morrow also found himself in a similar ignorant quandary and likewise puzzled as to the demise of his bigoted political career. Here's a hint for you Maurice after being caught on camera making a quip about wood pellet boilers to his good leader Mrs Foster. 

"It's hot. Yes, the boilers are all working."

But Maurice can always take solace that if nothing else turns up, there is always the traffic warden post going in Coalisland!

Across the divide, Naomi Long, leader of the Alliance Party, expressed her desire for mutual respect and understanding before the election when she referred to two past Alliance co-workers as ‘balloons’!!!

And post-election:

Mary Travers was dusted down and rolled out again to attack Nationalist voters who voted for SF and not a word about Unionist voters who voted DUP.  Eoghan Harris wrote something also. And in an rather silly attempt to revise and sanitise the history of Belfast, in the vain hope that Nationalists will forget about its brutal sectarian past maintained by Unionist hegemony, Alex Kane writing in the Belfast Telegraph – 07/03/2017 – called on Belfast to be promoted as a multi-cultural (down the shops), multi-national and multi-identity city as...."a capital city works well when it properly reflects the rest of the country”. Belfast has changed and changed for the better.....WTF Alex!

And lastly, across the globe Kim Jung-un, unperturbed by Japanese objections and protests of North Korea's recklessness and aggressive behaviour and celebrating the successful assassination of his brother, fired 4 ballistic missiles in to Japanese waters ... like Foster, Kim doesn’t live in the real world either.

1 comment:

  1. That was funny, the last parts about Kane and N. Korea have me in stitches. Keep em coming.