Well actually I did have a dream and Tom Hardy was my friend in it.
Tom Hardy's a brilliant actor, he's played some memorable roles in film and TV, such as the Jewish gangster in Peaky Blinders. You just know that Tom's not the guy you want to mess with.
In this dream, one I had a few nights ago, Tom Hardy was my friend but he was always washing dishes or hoovering or putting things away.
I'm not making this up, I actually did dream this.
In my dream Tom Hardy was his usual, not a guy to be messed with, self. He was still a tough guy but one who hated a mess.
So Tom's washing the dishes when we hear a thud, like a bomb going off in the distance. We look at each other. Tom's real calm and I'm saying, "what the f*cks that!"
We step outside and look up the road and see a mushroom cloud of smoke rising in the distance.
"That's in Buncrana!" I say.
Now this was a dream and places we know well aren't the same in our dreams as those actual places themselves. In fact they look totally different.
"Let's get in the car and go down to see what happened!" Says Tom.
So we jump into my car and head off down the road to Buncrana which, because it was a dream, wasn't as far away as the real Buncrana. In fact it was around about where Bridgend is in the real world.
As we pull into this Buncrana we see that there's a very large factory burning fiercely. We notice some people gathered in a staff canteen which is separate from the factory itself, so we go in to ask them what happened.
They tell us that there was a large explosion and the factory went up in flames.
"Did everyone get out?" I ask them.
"There's people still inside!" They say.
"Are they trapped!" I ask.
"No, they're not trapped, they just won't come out until they get paid!"
"I'll go in and get them out!" Says I.
"I'll move the car in case it gets burnt!" Says Tom, always thinking about others.
When I get inside the factory it's really ablaze and this group of people are standing there coughing with all the smoke.
"You need to get out of here before the whole lot comes down on top of you!" Says I to them.
"We're not moving until we get paid!" They tell me in no uncertain terms.
"But you'll not get paid if yous are all burnt to death!" I tells them.
They look and each other and nod their heads in agreement. "OK then you'll need to get us out of here before we're burnt to death!"
"This way, this way!" Shouts I waving them towards the exit and I'm feeling like a real hero as I get them out.
After this heroic deed was done I look around wondering where Tom is with my car so I go searching for him. I look round the car park but there's no sign of him and the car, so I start searching some waste ground near the factory which is full of rusting farm machinery. No luck there, so I wanders up and down nearby lanes leading to farmhouses. Still no luck.
Where the hell did he get to with my car? I wonders setting off up the road thinking he might pass by at any moment and pick me up.
Along this roadside there are trees and bushes so I push my way through them just to see whats there. I get through and there's a steep drop with a town down there.
I'm shocked at seeing this town as I had been along that road, back and forth, since I was a wain and I had never known that there was a town there. I wonder what it's called and decide to go there once I get my car back off Tom.
Back on the road I decide to walk back towards Derry as knowing Tom he probably took my car to a car wash to get it cleaned.
It took a minute or two but it finally dawned on me that Tom had stolen my bloody car.
The Dirty F*cker!
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Thomas Dixie Elliot is a Derry artist and a former H Block Blanketman. Follow Dixie Elliot on Twitter @IsMise_Dixie |
Your friend Tom---He is cunt. He stole your car. Maybe in another dream you'll get your own back....
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