Paula White, a conservative evangelical pastor who is a friend of Trump and a “special government employee,” has an offer no moron can refuse. Send her $1,000, and the Lord will shower you with seven must-have “supernatural blessings.” (Video)
To wit, he will:
- Assign an angel to you
- Be an enemy to your enemies
- Give you prosperity
- Take sickness away
- Give you a long life
- Cause increase for you
- Give you a special year of blessing
Damn! That’s less than $150 per supernatural blessing.
However, I have questions.
- Is there a refund if I do not receive some or all of the goodies?
- Does my angel have a name?
- Does this mean God will do something terrible to my enemies — if so, can I pick the flavor of retribution?
- How much is prosperity? Like the Mega Millions, do I get to choose a one-time payment vs an annual payout?
- Does sickness include hangovers and colds? Or is it just the serious stuff?
- How long is a long life? If I pay extra, can I get more years?
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