A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship.
The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."
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A Greek and an Irishman found themselves in a Starbucks one afternoon, casually chatting about the proud achievements of their respective cultures over steaming lattes. The Greek leaned back with a smile and said, “You know, we built the Pantheon, not to mention the Temple of Apollo.” The Irishman nodded, taking a sip of his coffee. “Impressive, no doubt, but it was us Irish who discovered the significance of the Summer and Winter Solstices.” Not to be outdone, the Greek added, “And don’t forget, it was the Greeks who laid the foundations for advanced mathematics.” “Fair enough,” the Irishman replied, “but the Irish were the ones who crafted the first timepieces.” Sensing his moment to triumph, the Greek smiled knowingly. “Ah, but remember, it was the ancient Greeks who introduced the idea of sex as a pleasurable activity!” The Irishman paused, set his cup down, and grinned. “That’s true,” he said, “but it was the Irish who got women involved.”
Living our lives like po faced Calvinists, afraid to smile in case we might miss the cold boat away from the fires of Hell as one of the frozen chosen.
Former IRA volunteer and ex-prisoner, spent 18 years in Long Kesh, 4 years on the blanket and no-wash/no work protests which led to the hunger strikes of the 80s. Completed PhD at Queens upon release from prison. Left the Republican Movement at the endorsement of the Good Friday Agreement, and went on to become a journalist. Co-founder of The Blanket, an online magazine that critically analyzed the Irish peace process. Lead researcher for the Belfast Project, an oral history of the Troubles.
ReplyDeleteA male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship.
The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."
........
A Greek and an Irishman found themselves in a Starbucks one afternoon, casually chatting about the proud achievements of their respective cultures over steaming lattes.
The Greek leaned back with a smile and said, “You know, we built the Pantheon, not to mention the Temple of Apollo.”
The Irishman nodded, taking a sip of his coffee. “Impressive, no doubt, but it was us Irish who discovered the significance of the Summer and Winter Solstices.”
Not to be outdone, the Greek added, “And don’t forget, it was the Greeks who laid the foundations for advanced mathematics.”
“Fair enough,” the Irishman replied, “but the Irish were the ones who crafted the first timepieces.”
Sensing his moment to triumph, the Greek smiled knowingly. “Ah, but remember, it was the ancient Greeks who introduced the idea of sex as a pleasurable activity!”
The Irishman paused, set his cup down, and grinned. “That’s true,” he said, “but it was the Irish who got women involved.”
where would we be without humour Frankie?!!!
ReplyDeleteLiving our lives like po faced Calvinists, afraid to smile in case we might miss the cold boat away from the fires of Hell as one of the frozen chosen.