Now in their 13th year, these are the gongs everyone in politics and religion craves, although the looney ultra-fundamentalist wing of the Christian faith will probably want me as a diehard Presbyterian burnt at the stake as a witch.
The DUP collects the Top Tit Trophy for the second successive year for failing to nominate an Assembly Speaker, thereby enabling the much-needed Executive to be formed in the midst of a cost of living crisis.
The Tories ran the Duppers a close second, copying the latter’s ‘three leaders in a year’ tactic as the internal Conservative rebellion produced three British Prime Ministers in the space of three months.
As for the rival Ulster Unionists, they snatch the Whingeing Cup for telling humans not to whine like folk, people, constituents, audience … just don’t mention the word ‘girl.’
The Up The RA Plate goes to the Shinners for now trying to airbrush the Provos completely out of history as part of Sinn Fein’s cunning plan to present the party as a dark green version of the rapidly crumbling Stoops.
And speaking of the SDLP, it picks up the ‘What’s The Point Of This Party’ Cup after the disastrous May Stormont election saw the Stoops lose their sole Executive Minister.
Maybe Stoop boss Comrade Colum’s New Year resolution could be to announce a formal merger with the Irish Labour Party and ditch the ‘SD’ bit of the title.
The late former West Belfast Westminster MP Gerry Fitt would be so proud as a founding father of the Stoops if the party went back to its socialist labour roots. It might even attract more Prod votes in the same way as the old Northern Ireland Labour Party achieved before the proroguing the original Stormont Parliament in 1972.
And talking of mergers, The Civil War Cuddle Up Cup (also known as the Panic Plate) goes to the Fianna Fáil/Fine Gael coalition in the Dail as they desperately try to concoct some kind of policy which will prevent Shinner boss Mary Lou McDonald from becoming the South’s next Taoiseach following a future Leinster House General Election.
Mind you, as the past couple of years have witnessed commemorations to mark the centenary of the Irish Civil War in the 1920s, it should be noted that the pro-Treaty Free State army executed more anti-Treaty IRA members than were killed by the British in the previous War of Independence.
Makes you wonder how long the Troubles would have lasted if the British and Irish governments had adopted the strategy of the Free Staters and put convicted terrorists up against a wall and shot them?
And a special award must go to the hardline loyalist Traditional Unionist Voice (TUV) party.
It collects The Nobody Loves Us Cup for notching up around 66,000 first preference votes in May’s Stormont poll, yet could only muster one seat. Maybe Harry and Megan could use their PR skills to help the party up its councillors in the expected 2023 council elections.
Speaking of the Sussexes, after their nauseating Netflix series, they pick up the Traitors Trophy for single handedly demolishing the monarchy. Then again, as an ardent monarchist myself, perhaps I’m not the best judge to award this to the Sussexes. The Tower of London would be a better home for them if they ever decide to return to the UK.
The Please Bog Off And Leave Us Alone Plate goes handsomely to the European Union, which doesn’t seem to be able to accept the result of the Brexit referendum in the UK. It’s simple, EU - we’re gone! And to mis-quote one former Sinn Fein Northern Ireland MEP, the EU can stick the Protocol where … well, you know the rest of the phrase!
The Pharisee Plate goes to that section of the anti-vaxxer movement who peddle the myth that the Covid vaccine was made from the foetus of an aborted baby. Those specific anti-vaxxers should try going to a concert by the hard-hitting comedian Jimmy Carr and push that agenda!
And so to the ultimate prize - The Gobshite Cup. I normally award this to the person, people or organisations which are the most critical of my work as a journalist as I’m a great believer in the freedom of the Press and people’s rights to democratically express their opinion.
But this year, I’m giving it to a section of the ultra fundamentalist street preachers who use public address systems to target sections of the community with their ‘Turn or Burn’ strategy.
As the son of a Presbyterian minister married to a daughter of a Baptist pastor, I’ve been brought up on a diet of open air evangelism and I fondly remember the summer months when the Clough and Killymurris Presbyterian Youth Fellowship would spend Sunday evenings in an open air witness on the green area of a local housing development.
But I don’t ever recall us having to resort to the ‘in your face’ tactics of some of these so-called street preachers. As a born-again Christian myself for some 50 years, I’ve always believed the conversational approach is one of the best methods of open air evangelical Christian witness, not yelling into a microphone.
However, a section of these ‘street preachers’ will take the view that because of the growing secularism in society, it is necessary to use such shock ‘Turn or Burn’ tactics to get the Christian message across to the community. I strongly beg to differ given my own personal experience of open air witness.
The real danger is that the ‘OTT’ antics of a few of these ‘street preachers’ will end up in all open air evangelists being tarred with the same brush and draconian laws introduced which will greatly inhibit the preaching of the Gospel message.
The perception that some of these ‘street preachers’ give is that they are purely attention seekers, hell-bent on getting themselves arrested so that they can portray themselves as modern day versions of the famous early Christian martyr, Stephen.
Its days away from 2023, and already there’s an impressive bunch of nominees gathering for next year’s Coveted Cock-Up Cups. Keep an eye, too, for my predictions for 2023.
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Follow Dr John Coulter on Twitter @JohnAHCoulter Listen to commentator Dr John Coulter’s programme, Call In Coulter, every Saturday morning around 10.15 am on Belfast’s Christian radio station, Sunshine 1049 FM. Listen online. |
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