First order of affairs…
1. All the so called “Peace Walls” are to be removed and the residents of both sides are just going to have to get used to it. If you don’t get used to it I will dump 10 thousand Ukrainian refugees in the area because there’s nothing quite like solving a problem by creating another, far larger one in it’s place.
2. Irish Language Act. Irish will be taught in All primary schools as a class. It will be entirely optional in Secondary education. Some kids will have an aptitude for it and some won’t. This will stop the nonsense of making language a political weapon and allowing the kids to pursue it if they choose will stop it being shoved down their throats.
3. Education up to and including University will be free. No bollocks “Gender Studies” or other woke nonsense will be considered a worthy subject and not allowed to be taught.
4. Healthcare will be properly funded via taxation of corporate profits. Businesses don’t like it? Others will take your place. Pay your fair share, arse wipes!
5. Protocol? Shove it up your yer hole. Let Norn Iron take advantage of it’s unique spot by being a strategic staging post between the EU and the rest of the UK. There’s jobs to be created here, and taxation for the rest of my diktats!
66 Historical justice? Amnesty across the board. Let’s see who knew what and when. There will be no prosecutions and I know both sides will feel hard done by but Both Sides Will Feel Hard Done By. Suck it up and get over it. Looking backwards means you walk into things.
7. Parades? Not on the bloody streets you don’t. I’m sick of the mess you lot leave behind whether it’s the 12th or St Patrick's Day. If you act like children you’ll be treated like children. Consequently I’m shifting parades to a suitable area in the country side where you can bang your drums all you like. None Of You Get To Leave Before You Clean Up After Yourselves.
8. All Churches and faith based groups to have tax free status immediately removed. Howl all you want, you lot have created enough shit in the six counties for long enough.
9. Any day over 25oC is a public holiday. But for crying out loud keep your clothes on. Nobody wants to see a sea of fat verandas on the way to get cheap booze and an inflatable pool at Lidl’s. Anybody caught wearing a teeshirt hanging out of their shorts will be kneecapped.
10. On Mother’s Day all the Mums get one thousand pounds. I may be a Dictator but even I’m scared of the Mums and there telepathic abilities to know us inside out!
That is All
⏩Steven Are is a Belfast quiller now living in Australia.