Michael Praetorius ✒ I was talking to Jean last night about Jean-Paul Sartre, the big cheese of Existentialism. 


I pointed out that as an ex-boxer and confirmed womanizer, he was ideally equipped, physically and mentally, to tackle the no-laughing-matter issues head on.

But, because she is a Protestant and therefore sees all non-scholastic philosophy as treasonable conspiracy, she wouldn't listen.

I merely wanted to enlighten her as to what Existentialism teaches us about the human condition. It's all quite simple:
 
  • there is no God;
  • you're on your own;
  • you're a pathetic, useless fraud and waste of space, whatever you do or tell yourself to the contrary, and everybody else can see it;
  • everything is your own fault;
  • life and the universe? - random, meaningless, pointless;
  • default emotional responses to living? - dread, alienation, angst, apprehension, anomie, inauthenticity, estrangement, terror;
  • nobody likes you;
  • to be happy is to be a fruitcake;
  • there's nothing else for it but to look back with embarrassment and forward in despair;
  • you can't choose not to choose;
  • something terrible will happen soon;
  • you're about as funny as a migraine;
  • you're shite at everything, so get used to it; not that it matters, since everything is appalling anyway;
  • you'll die roaring.
 
I have to say, with all due modesty, I wouldn't be the fully formed, relaxed, self-assured man I am today if my life hadn’t been informed by these insightful truths.

Michael Praetorius spent his working life in education and libraries. Now retired, he does a little busking in Belfast ... when he can get a pitch.

The Existential Question

Michael Praetorius ✒ I was talking to Jean last night about Jean-Paul Sartre, the big cheese of Existentialism. 


I pointed out that as an ex-boxer and confirmed womanizer, he was ideally equipped, physically and mentally, to tackle the no-laughing-matter issues head on.

But, because she is a Protestant and therefore sees all non-scholastic philosophy as treasonable conspiracy, she wouldn't listen.

I merely wanted to enlighten her as to what Existentialism teaches us about the human condition. It's all quite simple:
 
  • there is no God;
  • you're on your own;
  • you're a pathetic, useless fraud and waste of space, whatever you do or tell yourself to the contrary, and everybody else can see it;
  • everything is your own fault;
  • life and the universe? - random, meaningless, pointless;
  • default emotional responses to living? - dread, alienation, angst, apprehension, anomie, inauthenticity, estrangement, terror;
  • nobody likes you;
  • to be happy is to be a fruitcake;
  • there's nothing else for it but to look back with embarrassment and forward in despair;
  • you can't choose not to choose;
  • something terrible will happen soon;
  • you're about as funny as a migraine;
  • you're shite at everything, so get used to it; not that it matters, since everything is appalling anyway;
  • you'll die roaring.
 
I have to say, with all due modesty, I wouldn't be the fully formed, relaxed, self-assured man I am today if my life hadn’t been informed by these insightful truths.

Michael Praetorius spent his working life in education and libraries. Now retired, he does a little busking in Belfast ... when he can get a pitch.

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