Shortage - Of PPE And Lies

Sean Mallory has a low opinion of the political class in London and Dublin.

Six weeks in to the lockdown and both Matt Hancock and Dominic Rabb have not only run out of PPE and lies but also the ability to count dead people ... how difficult can that be sure it’s not as if dead people move around a lot!

Boris Johnson, imbued with the Dunkirk Spirit of running away, disappeared at the start of the lockdown with the pretence of being ill and remained so throughout … absent that is and not ill, has suddenly re-emerged from his cocoon to take the reins of leadership away from the buffoon Rabb who was governing in his absentia. The returning of Boris, not so much as the return of the prodigal son but more akin to the much loved fairy tale of the ugly duckling who grew up in to a handsome toad. Thus demonstrating who the real Daddy of 10 Downing Street is … in more than the biological manner.

Churchillian in his approach, Boris spent the best part of his re-emergence talking about, well about, about himself really with the odd word of thanks for those NHS staff who he short-changed a few years previously but who apparently saved his life … idiots!

But he promised to save the day with his somewhat demented designs on easing the lockdown such as allowing the least at risk, primary school children, to return first … no mention of the 500 – 600 parents dropping them off!

Thus bringing much pined for good news to demented parents, those of expanding waistlines and those with cirrhotic livers. Although strangely not welcomed by toilet roll collectors.

Views that only Boris and his team fully understand and which run contrary to what most global scientific bodies not in the pay of the Tory’s advise, and conflicting with how most of us have all been living for the last month or so … except Mike Nesbitt of course.

Across the Windscale polluted tidal pond, Leo Varadkar of Fine Gael continues to lead his and Michael Martins Fianna Fáil’s Banana Republic without the consent of the people. Varadkar, having lost the general election when he attempted to commemorate the British Black and Tans and almost lost his own seat has thrown democracy to the global pandemic, ignored the election victory of Sinn Féin, and continued to rule as Taoiseach. Having declared his own lockdown for his fellow country men and women, and those not gender sure or currently transmogrifying … like Boris in his cocoon but not really like Boris as he came out the same as he went in, so not like Boris at all really.

Having received global acknowledgement for his swift actions, especially after being told that he needed to act immediately as there was 60,000 to 100,000 Irish men, women and those not gender sure, coming back from Cheltenham and most likely carrying that poxy virus with them, Leo sensing a moment to snatch victory from the mouth of failure, sprang in to faux compassionate mode. He launched his lockdown with a speech quoting a few lines from past Hollywood films and about people wearing capes and things … like lederhosen or was that possibly a film that Leo watched in private … not sure but not PPE anyway.

The sheep, now safely tucked and locked into their paddocks bleated their confusion. Building upon his new pedestal of achievement and sensing the political tide turning once again in his favour, Leo began to add another tier and decided to return to medicine and throw his hat in the ring - well, he didn’t have any PPE - and devote one day of his tenure as Taoiseach to treating the sick and dying.

Having acquired a medical degree many years before his pursuance of a political career Leo returned to the ‘frontline’ to help out … actually it was a hospital ward and not a trench in Flanders. Many questioned his Hippocratic value as he had been away from medicine for so long but others on the ‘frontline’ welcomed his services and once the cameras had all left, directed him away from the ‘war zone’ and sent him down the shops for a packet of fags … out of harm’s way so to speak.

Much lauded for his selfless deed he was highly praised by the ‘those’ in the main stream media. By the same ‘those’ who much derided the people’s democratic vote in SF. But the other ‘those’, the majority who voted for SF in demanding change or for something different continued as they had before and derided Leo’s actions as publicity stunts on social media … still much work to do for Leo and the boys.

Sean Mallory is a Tyrone republican and TPQ columnist.