Thomas Dixie Elliot brings some light hearted relief at the expense of supporters of a certain football team.
Fred had worked in the building trade for 30 years, he was the best in the business. He dug up his back garden going right down to the bedrock.
The finished bunker had reinforced concrete walls, the ceiling was the same only it contained a steel hatch reached only by a ladder.
He covered it over with top soil and re-laid the lawn. No one would know there was a bunker below his garden. He then stocked up with enough food to last for three years and a small arsenal in case survivors might attempt to break through the steel hatch.
Fred moved his family into the bunker after someone had sneezed right outside his front door and he closed the hatch locking it to the outside world. They would sit it out no matter what happened.
Three years passed and five days after they had ate the last tin of baked beans Fred finally decided that he had no choice but to go outside and search for food as they were starving and the talk had turned to eating whoever died first.
Fred took a light machine gun and a 357 Magnum and filled his pockets with spare magazines. He flung a rucksack over his shoulder and told his family that he would return as soon as he found food and water.
He had some difficulty opening the hatch and discovered that it was covered in a tangle of brambles. Eventually Fred emerged into a back garden that had become a small jungle. Forcing his way through the thick undergrowth he reached the back gate and peered out.
His next door neighbour was standing at his own back gate smoking.
"Is it over?" Asked Fred in a quivering voice.
"Aye, it ended an hour ago. We watched it in the pub."
"Watched what?" Asked Fred.
"The Champions League final ... Liverpool just won the treble for the third season in a row, the League, FA Cup and Champions League. And they didn't lose a single match ... Where have you been?"
Fred shot himself.
He was a Liverpool supporter.
Thomas Dixie Elliot is a Derry artist and a former H Block Blanketman.
Follow Dixie Elliot on Twitter @IsMise_Dixie
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