Sean Mallory pokes fun at just about everybody he can find.

‘Our revenge will be the laughter of our children’ Bobby Sands

‘The name’s Aiken, Steve Aiken’ - No matter how many times you repeat that introduction over and over in your head it just doesn’t strike with the same weight or awe as when Commander James Bond introduces himself on screen…it just doesn’t quite conjure up the same images, now truthfully does it?

Well it’s all over bar the shouting and recriminations. The British General Election has come and gone, just like DUP deputy leader Nigel Dodds!

Speaking of which, Dodds and the DUP, reeling from having been hung up by the feet and bitch slapped by Boris Johnson, embarked on an extremely bitter and personal campaign against Sinn Féin’s candidate John Finucane, Lord Mayor of Belfast, for Dodds’ seat in North Belfast.

Unionism having held the North Belfast constituency for 20 years lost it to the son of the murdered solicitor Pat Finucane. A murder authorised by the British State security forces and whose murderous actions are regularly and heavily defended by the DUP. A seat that in its 135 year history was always held by a Unionist of sorts. Some more loathsome than others.

Dodds and the DUP have skipped arm in arm down many a road in the company of North Belfast Unionist paramilitaries. Traditionalists to the last they made no exception throughout this election and met before and during their electioneering and employed their services.

Services and actions such as threatening the election workers of the UUP or those that saw Finucane’s family being attacked on billboards, posters and banners strung out across roads in Unionist districts. Perhaps the DUP believed that this would galvanise the Unionists / loyalists to come out and vote in his favour for if not then have an IRA supporter as your MP.

Foster’s brood, while canvassing blindfolded, initially failed to notice the banners and only with tongue in cheek acknowledged their presence after initially facing severe criticism in failing to condemn these.

Their response was to demand an apology from Finucane for an attack on Foster’s Deputy Dodds by the IRA when he was visiting his wife in hospital many years ago and another apology for the attack on Fosters ex-RUC reservist father.

An attack that Foster never fails to try and score political points with …

Daddy must be very proud of his little girl when he looks up from below and sees that he is more valuable to her dead than when he was alive.

Well let’s not fool ourselves, he certainly isn’t looking down from on high!

Finucane declined by stating that he didn’t support singling out individual incidents for selective condemnation. A response that displeased the DUP who then played what they thought was their trump card and had their partisan PSNI release a report on Finucane, citing him for urinating in public way back in June.

Away from politics, and having learned to use the toilet before leaving the house, Finucane is a well- known apparatchik of the GAA up in Hannahstown. A place where Mark Twain having never visited but if he had he would have reserved for it his statement about San Francisco and its weather.

But like his murdered father, Finucane is a solicitor and generally, having not been cut from the same cloth as Adams … more silk than denim, by all accounts a very likeable person indeed. The oddity of his election is that he is now a member of the same parliament that denounced his father and in so doing sanctioned his murder.

The DUP offensive crew of vile bigoted creatures have been severely pained by the crocodile’s bite of Finucane’s success and in their bitter response has claimed that his Unionist constituents are no longer represented … it’s no longer your constituency Nigel … you don’t have any constituents! It’s best to put that one to bed before it blows out of proportion.

Foster, now a lot less smug but a great deal more repugnant, once celebrated and much hailed as leader of Ulster Unionism, who was once was so hot she was on fire in the Le Mon hotel, what a faux pas that was, is still refusing to resign after such a hammering at the poles.

A hammering personally felt by Donaldson, Robinson and Paisley.

To exacerbate an otherwise extremely painful bite, Paisley was questioned about his huge fall in support was asked by a BBC reporter if it was down to his deception and fraud in failing to report his free holiday to Sri Lanka; and that according to Arlene Foster he is still under parliamentary investigation over his failure to report his other free holiday to the Maldives. He began by denying he was under investigation and then when pushed on if he was accusing Foster of lying, resorted to bullying the reporter by warning him not to mess with him ...  an interview that clearly highlights the divide within the DUP.

Perhaps Jeff Wright describing him as "unhelpful to say the least" in the sale of Wrightbus and Paisley’s support for Mr Bamford in its purchase may have been a greater issue than his misdeeds …

Steve Aiken, affectionately known as ‘Sea-Saw Steve‘ in his submarine commander days is new leader of the Ulster Unionist Party (UUP). The previous leader, Robin Swann, frustrated with the constant struggles of not being able to reach the microphone on the podiums anymore had had enough. Aiken initially announced to all and sundry that the UUP would not be entering any election pacts, submerging the sub at battle stations, and it would stand candidates in every single constituency in the upcoming British General election … Hussar for Steve  ... unlike Bond though, Sea-Saw Steve lived up to his moniker and resurfaced with crew standing at ease, thus weakening his position as a new force within Unionism … quite considerably!

Aiken, having seen UUP members threateed and intimidated out of standing in North Belfast by his Unionist paramilitary buddies, condemned such attacks as attacks on democracy and then had the UUP withdraw from that constituency under the pretext of an election pact with the DUP …. No surrender doesn’t really cut it with Steve!

A pact that was good for the Union. He then went on to denounce the DUP for their incompetent stance on Brexit!

Lady Silvia Herman, a once UUP stalwart but now independent, announced that she wouldn’t be standing again in North Down. She wanted to spend more time tending the grave of her late husband, the infamous British State murderer and ex-RUC chief constable, Sir John ‘Jack’ Herman who passed away many years ago ...  like Thatcher, he died stupefied and bewildered as to who he was ... now that’s real justice!

The vacant seat now up for grabs was expected to be taken up with great zeal by staunch defender of all things RUC - including Lady Silvia’s husband - NI Conservative and former Ireland international rugby player, Trevor Ringland. Trevor immediately stepped aside by deliberately putting his foot out over the line and thus ruling himself out.

Trevor in a quest to stand up for law and order and to work tirelessly to bring the two warring communities of NI together set an example of the moral code that bound the RUC, when he deliberately stepped aside for Unionism and their paramilitaries … failed to facelift the RUC, failed as a politician!

A constituency that the DUP was expected to win but lost when Stephen Farry took it for Alliance.

In Derry, Colm Eastwood took the seat off Sinn Féin’s McCallion with a whopping 17,000 vote majority and with Clare Hannah winning South Belfast against Pengally-Lyttle (another loss to the DUP), the SDLP announced its momentous return to being politically significant. A significance it displayed by isolating SF and siding with the DUP in the rejuvenated Stormont ... more of this behaviour is sure to follow.

Away from the global hub of politics that is Norn Iron

Boris Johnson, the incumbent British PM, immoral, unethical, homophobic, sectarian, racist and narcissistic and uninvited to this year’s DUP conference continued to lie and deceive the British electorate as he canvassed his way around the British Isles to victory. A Tory victory of such magnitude not seen since Thatcher.

Jo Swinson, party leader of the Lib-Dems believed she would be Prime Minister and then announced that she had wet the bed and resigned.

Jeremy Corbyn claimed he won all the arguments. Perhaps if he had lied like Johnson things might have turned out different!

But let us take of our hats and give credit where credit is due – let us hail Mr Domnic Cummings – the mastermind of Johnson’s deceit and his triumphant return to Downing Street. Well done Sir!

On the quality of reporting

In Iraq, Prime Minister Adil Abdul-Mahdi, resigned but not before 408 people were killed and thousands wounded since October 1st.

In Hong Kong, 1 demonstrator has been killed and 1 died accidentally since the protest began many months ago.

Now one of these stories has never left the news desks since they began.

And last but not least

Spare a thought for Pervez Musharraf, ex-military dictator / leader of Pakistan who was sentenced to death in absentia for treason. Musharraf, now residing somewhere in one of the Emirate states (lounging on a private cruiser in the Persian Gulf no doubt), is unable to return to Pakistan due to ill health … the death sentence not being a highly sought after remedy for any illness!

But I’ll leave you with this

One local pundit captured the spirit of the election when asked about Finucane’s response to Foster's demand for an apology:


Never mind that, I hope that PIRA gave the volunteers who were involved in those attacks a severe reprimanding for missing!

No room for ambiguity there!!!!

Sean Mallory is a Tyrone republican and TPQ columnist.

The Name’s Aiken, Steve Aiken

Sean Mallory pokes fun at just about everybody he can find.

‘Our revenge will be the laughter of our children’ Bobby Sands

‘The name’s Aiken, Steve Aiken’ - No matter how many times you repeat that introduction over and over in your head it just doesn’t strike with the same weight or awe as when Commander James Bond introduces himself on screen…it just doesn’t quite conjure up the same images, now truthfully does it?

Well it’s all over bar the shouting and recriminations. The British General Election has come and gone, just like DUP deputy leader Nigel Dodds!

Speaking of which, Dodds and the DUP, reeling from having been hung up by the feet and bitch slapped by Boris Johnson, embarked on an extremely bitter and personal campaign against Sinn Féin’s candidate John Finucane, Lord Mayor of Belfast, for Dodds’ seat in North Belfast.

Unionism having held the North Belfast constituency for 20 years lost it to the son of the murdered solicitor Pat Finucane. A murder authorised by the British State security forces and whose murderous actions are regularly and heavily defended by the DUP. A seat that in its 135 year history was always held by a Unionist of sorts. Some more loathsome than others.

Dodds and the DUP have skipped arm in arm down many a road in the company of North Belfast Unionist paramilitaries. Traditionalists to the last they made no exception throughout this election and met before and during their electioneering and employed their services.

Services and actions such as threatening the election workers of the UUP or those that saw Finucane’s family being attacked on billboards, posters and banners strung out across roads in Unionist districts. Perhaps the DUP believed that this would galvanise the Unionists / loyalists to come out and vote in his favour for if not then have an IRA supporter as your MP.

Foster’s brood, while canvassing blindfolded, initially failed to notice the banners and only with tongue in cheek acknowledged their presence after initially facing severe criticism in failing to condemn these.

Their response was to demand an apology from Finucane for an attack on Foster’s Deputy Dodds by the IRA when he was visiting his wife in hospital many years ago and another apology for the attack on Fosters ex-RUC reservist father.

An attack that Foster never fails to try and score political points with …

Daddy must be very proud of his little girl when he looks up from below and sees that he is more valuable to her dead than when he was alive.

Well let’s not fool ourselves, he certainly isn’t looking down from on high!

Finucane declined by stating that he didn’t support singling out individual incidents for selective condemnation. A response that displeased the DUP who then played what they thought was their trump card and had their partisan PSNI release a report on Finucane, citing him for urinating in public way back in June.

Away from politics, and having learned to use the toilet before leaving the house, Finucane is a well- known apparatchik of the GAA up in Hannahstown. A place where Mark Twain having never visited but if he had he would have reserved for it his statement about San Francisco and its weather.

But like his murdered father, Finucane is a solicitor and generally, having not been cut from the same cloth as Adams … more silk than denim, by all accounts a very likeable person indeed. The oddity of his election is that he is now a member of the same parliament that denounced his father and in so doing sanctioned his murder.

The DUP offensive crew of vile bigoted creatures have been severely pained by the crocodile’s bite of Finucane’s success and in their bitter response has claimed that his Unionist constituents are no longer represented … it’s no longer your constituency Nigel … you don’t have any constituents! It’s best to put that one to bed before it blows out of proportion.

Foster, now a lot less smug but a great deal more repugnant, once celebrated and much hailed as leader of Ulster Unionism, who was once was so hot she was on fire in the Le Mon hotel, what a faux pas that was, is still refusing to resign after such a hammering at the poles.

A hammering personally felt by Donaldson, Robinson and Paisley.

To exacerbate an otherwise extremely painful bite, Paisley was questioned about his huge fall in support was asked by a BBC reporter if it was down to his deception and fraud in failing to report his free holiday to Sri Lanka; and that according to Arlene Foster he is still under parliamentary investigation over his failure to report his other free holiday to the Maldives. He began by denying he was under investigation and then when pushed on if he was accusing Foster of lying, resorted to bullying the reporter by warning him not to mess with him ...  an interview that clearly highlights the divide within the DUP.

Perhaps Jeff Wright describing him as "unhelpful to say the least" in the sale of Wrightbus and Paisley’s support for Mr Bamford in its purchase may have been a greater issue than his misdeeds …

Steve Aiken, affectionately known as ‘Sea-Saw Steve‘ in his submarine commander days is new leader of the Ulster Unionist Party (UUP). The previous leader, Robin Swann, frustrated with the constant struggles of not being able to reach the microphone on the podiums anymore had had enough. Aiken initially announced to all and sundry that the UUP would not be entering any election pacts, submerging the sub at battle stations, and it would stand candidates in every single constituency in the upcoming British General election … Hussar for Steve  ... unlike Bond though, Sea-Saw Steve lived up to his moniker and resurfaced with crew standing at ease, thus weakening his position as a new force within Unionism … quite considerably!

Aiken, having seen UUP members threateed and intimidated out of standing in North Belfast by his Unionist paramilitary buddies, condemned such attacks as attacks on democracy and then had the UUP withdraw from that constituency under the pretext of an election pact with the DUP …. No surrender doesn’t really cut it with Steve!

A pact that was good for the Union. He then went on to denounce the DUP for their incompetent stance on Brexit!

Lady Silvia Herman, a once UUP stalwart but now independent, announced that she wouldn’t be standing again in North Down. She wanted to spend more time tending the grave of her late husband, the infamous British State murderer and ex-RUC chief constable, Sir John ‘Jack’ Herman who passed away many years ago ...  like Thatcher, he died stupefied and bewildered as to who he was ... now that’s real justice!

The vacant seat now up for grabs was expected to be taken up with great zeal by staunch defender of all things RUC - including Lady Silvia’s husband - NI Conservative and former Ireland international rugby player, Trevor Ringland. Trevor immediately stepped aside by deliberately putting his foot out over the line and thus ruling himself out.

Trevor in a quest to stand up for law and order and to work tirelessly to bring the two warring communities of NI together set an example of the moral code that bound the RUC, when he deliberately stepped aside for Unionism and their paramilitaries … failed to facelift the RUC, failed as a politician!

A constituency that the DUP was expected to win but lost when Stephen Farry took it for Alliance.

In Derry, Colm Eastwood took the seat off Sinn Féin’s McCallion with a whopping 17,000 vote majority and with Clare Hannah winning South Belfast against Pengally-Lyttle (another loss to the DUP), the SDLP announced its momentous return to being politically significant. A significance it displayed by isolating SF and siding with the DUP in the rejuvenated Stormont ... more of this behaviour is sure to follow.

Away from the global hub of politics that is Norn Iron

Boris Johnson, the incumbent British PM, immoral, unethical, homophobic, sectarian, racist and narcissistic and uninvited to this year’s DUP conference continued to lie and deceive the British electorate as he canvassed his way around the British Isles to victory. A Tory victory of such magnitude not seen since Thatcher.

Jo Swinson, party leader of the Lib-Dems believed she would be Prime Minister and then announced that she had wet the bed and resigned.

Jeremy Corbyn claimed he won all the arguments. Perhaps if he had lied like Johnson things might have turned out different!

But let us take of our hats and give credit where credit is due – let us hail Mr Domnic Cummings – the mastermind of Johnson’s deceit and his triumphant return to Downing Street. Well done Sir!

On the quality of reporting

In Iraq, Prime Minister Adil Abdul-Mahdi, resigned but not before 408 people were killed and thousands wounded since October 1st.

In Hong Kong, 1 demonstrator has been killed and 1 died accidentally since the protest began many months ago.

Now one of these stories has never left the news desks since they began.

And last but not least

Spare a thought for Pervez Musharraf, ex-military dictator / leader of Pakistan who was sentenced to death in absentia for treason. Musharraf, now residing somewhere in one of the Emirate states (lounging on a private cruiser in the Persian Gulf no doubt), is unable to return to Pakistan due to ill health … the death sentence not being a highly sought after remedy for any illness!

But I’ll leave you with this

One local pundit captured the spirit of the election when asked about Finucane’s response to Foster's demand for an apology:


Never mind that, I hope that PIRA gave the volunteers who were involved in those attacks a severe reprimanding for missing!

No room for ambiguity there!!!!

Sean Mallory is a Tyrone republican and TPQ columnist.

1 comment:

  1. Satire/Irony can be like a knife and is a thing of beauty when applied by craftsman.

    ReplyDelete