A satirical look at a new proposal emerging from Wales. |
| By Mockingbird |
Plaid Cymru leader Alan Price has published a draft bill to outlaw lying by politicians. In other words, he wants to put them out of a job. Not content with removing their snouts from the trough he seems to want them jailed as well.
In such a situation the UK might end up being governed from Brixton, Wormwood Scrubs and Strangeways, rather than Westminster. Although, in fairness, many people think that is where most in Westminster should currently be. As for our lot in the North, they could end up doing concurrent sentences for defrauding the public purse by taking money for work not done.
When approached by the Mockingbird for his take on this a publicity-shy Ian Paisley, having just emerged from his party's post election lie-in, immediately jetted out of the country on the first freebie heading in the direction of a dictatorship. The Mockingbird called after him, “don’t forget your family.” But he hadn’t.
First out of the traps to vociferously ridicule the Price proposal was Sinn Fein. When the Mockingbird caught up with the party supremo although not official leader, he launched a salvo of denials that he had ever been a member of the IRA before proceeding to express his disapproval of the proposed bill, then bizarely proclaiming that he would not continue with the interview as he had never done media interviews in the past and at 71 was not going to break the habit of a lifetime and start telling the truth, even if it was the truth about how he felt on the proposal to jail politicians for lying.
Fortunately, the Mockingbird was not given the summary curt dismissal but was instead referred to Mr Adams’ spokesperson, Dick Dingleberry. Mr Dingleberry proved quite emphatic in his denunciation of Alan Price, saying that he should go back to singing My Name is Geordie McIntyre. When pointed out that it was the wrong Alan Price, Mr Dingleberry said he would continue to stick to Gerry’s arse on the main point, thundering “The Price is not right.”
Gerry must oppose this. In private he is saying the Welsh cannot be trusted because no matter what they undertake to do, they welch on everything. They will promise never to decommission the health service but then they go and do just that; they swear never to sit in an English parliament and take their seats quicker than Nigel Dodds got booted out of his. Gerry doesn’t have fond memories of Merlyn Rees, another Welsh politician who while Secretary of State had Gerry locked up. So Gerry is suspicious of Welshmen, once describing Rees as a well-known idiot. Although when he said that there was a lot of confusion as people naturally thought Gerry was referring to Danny Morrison. I had to put them right. Anyway, Gerry thinks this is just an underhand way of trying to keep him in jail forever, separated from Ted and Rubber Ducky. He is determined that no Welsh man will trampoline all over him again.
The Mockingbird thinks there is something to this. Just think, if each politician was to be jailed for a day for every lie they told, it would mount to a life sentence in the case of Percy Pompous. Coming at a time when he is going to the London Supreme Court to have his previous imprisonment declared null and avoid - enabling him to say he was never actually in the prison he tried to escape from when Rees was secretary of State - there seems to be more than just a coincidence to it.
Mr Dingleberry concluded by saying:
Gerry has never lied to people. He has lied for people. That makes him the People’s Liar - and now you have the real reason the establishment would like to see him jailed.
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