The Best Laid Schemes

Sean Mallory thinks the signs portend poorly for Arlene Foster.

DUP Leader Arlene Foster on Sinn Féin: 'If you feed a crocodile it will keep coming back for more,'

Crikey means gee whiz, wow! - Steve Irwin, crocodile hunter.

With election fervour all but quelled, post-haste off went the respective Unionist parties of the DUP and UUP in to their dimly lit back rooms to analyse their results and the political fallout from their respective election campaigns and most importantly to conspire.

Political post-mortems that continue to intrigue even those of the ‘uninterested ones’! (Mackers pay attention!) On the political battlefield, casualties of wounded and dying, lie entwined. 

Mike Nesbitt, ex UUP leader, having hanged his own leadership prior to the count, resigned his leadership much, more quickly than anticipated and quicker than his re-election as an MLA. 

Nesbitt hoisted with his own petard, in his resignation speech seemed somewhat delighted to be off-loading this millstone and unlike Robinson handing over to Foster, Nesbitt didn’t seem too particularly concerned as to who should take up the reins. Like having a decaying tooth removed, the relief on Nesbitt’s face was clear for all to see.

On the other hand, Foster, prior to the elections and bolstered by her old mentor Robinson's much publicised statement of support and apparent angst at having been dragged back up the Hill, having led a campaign along the well-drawn battle lines of ‘No Surrender’ and having increased the DUP vote by several thousand, was unable to revel or bask in the increase in hers or the DUP’s popularity.

For she and her fossilised crew of dinosaurs are being judged as pathetic failures by the greater Unionist community due to their direct responsibility for the most savage extinction imaginable within the field of political palaeontology – the age of Unionist domination had come to an end.

Expressing the same degree of humility post-election as she did prior, although in a less assured and sturdy voice (the legacy of man flu), she repeated her bigoted mantra of not an inch. Her minions recriminations, blaming all and sundry including Nesbitt for the loss of Unionist political dominance and entrenchment to that of the Croppy ascendency and rapprochement, mostly focused on the press for fake news that was hostile and detrimental to the DUP's campaign.

“Four hostile newspapers are more to be feared than a thousand bayonets.” Napoleon Bonaparte

Continuing to espouse their undying love and loyalty for Arlene all through the weekend, by Monday their loyal affections and endorsement had begun to wane and those awful people of the fake news, the damn media, sensing blood, began to close in. Gone were the days of Arlene on fire and beginning are the days of Arlene the pariah. 

Reporting on mounting dissention among the ranks towards Arlene's hubris and its continuing detrimental effect on the party, and the potential ways being discussed/pushed for Arlene to step aside with the specious full support of the party. A ‘step aside’ solution that hasn’t been defined as temporary or permanent, now being championed by her faithful and loyal coterie. It would seem, Arlene like Thatcher, will soon discover ‘et tu brute’ as she closes the door behind her.


  1. Always get a giggle at these articles. It is interesting unionists expect to rally at the next election, even though the DUP vote was increased in every constituency in that last one. Surely 'they' haven't gerrymandered a doarty taig ascendancy in the wee 6 .... have 'they'? The all important media not being an unquestioning weapon in the unionist arsenal seems to hurt a lot.

  2. Sometimes theres s lot to be said about after fucķing it all up .Going into a room with a bottle of whiskey and a revolver