Outside The Box: Take 12

Sean Mallory with his thoughts on the recent British general election. Sean Mallory from Tyrone is a wry and sometimes caustic observer of politics both nationally and internationally. He provides TPQ with its own Outside The Box commentary.

All's Fair In Love And War

Freed from the LibDem paper shackles tied in bows around their ankles, Cameron and the Tories, have been returned with a slim majority but nevertheless a majority and are now free with the full consent of the British public to inflict 12 billion more of cuts unhindered and quite possibly judging by the make-up of the new cabinet delivered with a hangman’s rope.

Most believe it was the Tory’s focus on the economy that swung it in his favour but when the majority of the people are suffering, to varying degrees, at the hands of the Tories, due to their economic policies then logically it couldn’t have been that.

Since most of their self-acclaimed invigorating economic policies, if not all, according to varying institutions of economic acumen with their finger on the pulse, have proven to be fruitless and irrelevant to stimulating economic growth, and who have stated quite clearly that the Tory chancellor’s captainship at the economic helm has been an unequivocal damn failure, then surely it couldn’t be that the British nation are a nation of sadomasochists, or could they? But as stated, the majority voted for them and so we should try and discover as to why and against all opinion polls the British electorate returned such an unexpected result?

Could it be that unlike Labour, the Tories promised a referendum on Europe – in or out? The influx of foreign nationals is just too much for the down-trodden ‘Tommy’ to swallow and irrespective how deep the filth he finds himself having to wade through at least it is home-grown British filth. Ironic isn’t it, that with this grand gesture, the Tories in one single move, wiped out the threat of Farrage and his very public xenophobia by relying on the general British public’s xenophobia to vote them back in again. The ills of the Nation are not home-grown after all!

A reminder to the British Unionist working class who will lay down their lives to defend the filth that they wallow in rather than open their eyes to the reality that their filth is our filth no matter what side of the fence you view it from. And so it was.

The SNP romped home, well, romped back to Holyrood which is exactly where the Tories want to keep them and after their last referendum permitted by the English, it is exactly where they were told to return to. So all’s well that ends. Well, except for Jim, he of the DUP that is. They, the SNP, will demand more freedom over tax, more freedom over the NHS, and more freedom over whatever but that cold fish Sturgeon may exact more ‘freedoms’ from Cameron, the saviour of the Union, with pressure from her position of control in Scotland and she may rebuke Cameron over his denial of any future referendum to the Scots from the English for as long as she likes but we all know from experience that putting manners on people is just words, a wet fish is a wet fish ... there will be no referendum.

And as for those erstwhile defenders of the public good, the LibDems, whose own demise only fleetingly hinted at throughout the campaign, and themselves believing that the British public had forgotten or forgiven their treacherous demeanour, charged heedlessly in to the Valley of Death – ignorance may be bliss but folly is incomprehensible. Slowed by the drag of their own ball and chain of university fees, and like those gallant twats almost a century and a half before them, they were slaughtered. Cable, that old grand-uncle of politics was dispatched with the same vigour as Ed Balls of Labour – Balls by name but ball-less by nature.

Speaking of which, Miliband, leader of the sister party of the SDLP – the British Labour Party – has, without due care or consideration for Ed and the party, packed up his bags and fled to sunnier shores with his spouse in hand. No dole queue for Ed!!! The demise of British Labour, exacerbated with the rise of the SNP, leaves it in such a sorry state that even Lord Blair of Kut’s denunciations sounds plausible! The hunt is now on for a new Blair and Ed’s better half - brother David - is looking good at this moment.

The British Unionist election pack, soon to disintegrate after the election results, returned Fermanagh to the Red, White and Blue fold of Britain and where after making his victory speech in which he stated as much, Elliot, went on to indicate that he is there to represent everyone which includes the ‘shite’! The incumbent Ms Gildernew, removed from office, besides vowing to return, may now find herself marching up to the Crown buildings to sign on the dotted line and receive benefits greatly reduced by her party’s past support of Tory cuts and those likely to come, but that isn’t likely. She’ll find solace in some other party designated role for services rendered. She should recall though that the bollocks and bastards have had their revenge. 

McCrea, who once advocated hanging out of a moving locomotive while singing religious anthems, and believing himself to be more reverent to the Lord by his sectarianism and racism, has been removed from office also and replaced with another UUP member. 2 – 0.

Was it a deliberate move by Peter to ‘honestly’ forget to append William’s seat in the DUP/UUP pact and thus help curb the preachers influence? Dodds, besides a high resemblance to Homer Simpson, may have requested such a move to smooth the transition from lackey to leader when Peter finishes counting his monies sometime this year and jets of with it in to the Cayman sunset – with or without Iris is debatable. The loss of one seat, offset by the gain in the East, and the removal of McCrea was a fair price to pay.

William, old friend of that other preacher now since deceased, along with that same preacher’s son, may have been building a challenge to Homer’s succession. The honour of the keys to London awarded for securing a bus contract to a Ballymena company of bigots coupled with some of Junior’s comments in stating what the crew of the Ark (DUP) would do and wouldn’t do in the event of a hung parliament seemed to portray Junior as an acting leader in the wings ... Homer was none too pleased as his Westminster profile consisted only of being ‘well known’! But homer can rest easy now that William has been nullified and Jeffery has been returned again. Donaldson lifted high on shoulders for his victory, by Poots and Co smiled deliriously. But one couldn’t help wonder if it was solely his victory that pleased him or more to do with having several men caress his thighs and buttock as they raised him....poor old Poots – ignorance is bliss!

Ford with his full attention focused on hiding injustices and his Unionist Alliance party are forlorn with the news of Long’s ousting. Once they held more seats than the UUP! How cruel is politics. But she, never down beat except when she loses, exclaimed delightedly that her vote had actually gone up – thank you Short Strand, and that if more people had voted for her she would have won – very astute. Next time Ms long remember to vote no at City Hall. Robinson, Gavin that is, groomed by that other Robinson of impeccable ruthlessness, ruthlessly and rudely failed to mention her in his victory speech. A condemnation in the first 5 minutes of his office – well-groomed indeed.

And so like before the elections, it goes on, never changing ... same old, same old.


  1. Brilliant take on it all Sean thats a 10 outa 10 from me,the SNP hopefully will play Cameron like a fish on issues such as austerity and let any future referendum vote sit until the time is right, all in all a post well worth reading

  2. Good read Sean.

    Scotland could be a serious problem for the Tories. Already there is a petition going around the North of England seeking support for a secession from England and to be allowed to join Scotland.

    Should they be allowed to secede? I think they should. That of course asks us to consider the question if people can secede from England why not from Ireland?

    Obligatory nationalism to me is on a par with obligatory religion.

  3. Absolutely AM.
    When one escapes the grip of nationalism I see it as similar and as liberating as breaking free of religious indoctrination. There's little chance of going back ... unless one were to find oneself in a real threatening or oppressive situation where one saw some massive strategic benefit in returning cap in hand to the fold.

    As a grateful recovering Catholic and a grateful recovering Irish Republican I hope I'd be spared such a humiliating experience!

  4. Are you atheist Henry Joy or more lapsed?

  5. Did God make man or did man make God?

    I think man has a greater need for God than God has for man AM.

  6. Henry Joy.dont know what all this has to do with god , but as its a political thread then the saying that if god didnt exist a politician would have invented him, personally the notion of a god any type is as repugnant to me as those who grovel to royalty,any royalty.atheist and proud .

  7. Mackers

    interesting point about the north of England. Nationalists here gloating at the prospect will have pause for thought about the 6 counties.

  8. Larry,

    how could we say no to them wanting to escape Torydom? And when we say yes we are left with the fact that the unionists in the North will accuse us of double standards, and rightly so.

    The nationalist can find so little room for manoeuvre with its view of people as subjects whereas republicanism (not that thing we adhered to in he North) with a view of people as citizens has some room.

    All theory of course, but as you say it bears thinking about. We might get what we wish for.

  9. God...Is it really THAT difficult ??
    I see no contradiction whatsoever between wanting either Scotland or Northern England to have "independence"
    and Irish nationalism.
    Comparsions to unionists are bogus and weak..due to the fact that unionists are quislings who wished to sell out the 6 Counties to a foreign Imperialist and independence is the exact opposite of being a quisling.
    Now, if unionists had of wished to create an independent Ulcer..Things would be more Sketchy..But that A)They wouldn't be Unionists...Would they??? and B) their inbuilt sectarianism would be a further objection to their plan.

    It isn't really that hard....do please wake up. Or are you having a collective "blonde" moment?
    so, Why don't you have some Coffee or something.

  10. Ozzy

    I think English people opting to be part of Scotland is different than planters in the 6 counties wanting to hold on tight to the London apron strings. But republicans insist on counting them as Irish. So in that context it is the same as wishing to be part of another country for personal 'betterment/advantage'. If it is commendable on the part of the northern English, then three 'republican' cheers for the northern Irish. No?

  11. "Ballymena company of bigots.."
    That same company is a big supplier of buses to the Free State..CIE Coras Iompair Eireann agus Bus Atha Cliath.
    I wonder what happens when they have to write on the side in Gaelic???
    Are they able to do it when the Free State Euros are on the line???

    Also for those of you looking for "contradictions"..How do the wee lads in Bowler hats square that circle?
    Will Henry Joy be telling them that they are fooked??? Holed below the water line???
    Ofc it's bigger than buses ..even huge double decker ones.
    Because doesn't something like 75 % of the so called economic output of the wee 6 go to the Hated Free State???
    Ergo another contradiction for Unionists.
    There you go.A huge hole in unionism..Enough to drive a bus through.
    Yet Henry Joy never comments on them.
    Will the big lad, step up and point out these contradictions and will he preach to unionists..That well;they can't be unionists anymore???
    I won't hold my breath.
    Over to you Henry...I don't know what the turning circle of a double decker bus is...But I want to see how you do a U Turn.

  12. " So in that context it is the same as wishing to be part of another country for personal 'betterment/advantage'. If it is commendable on the part of the northern English, then three 'republican' cheers for the northern Irish. No?
    Ok Larry..When are these brave Northern souls( Irish NOt English ) announcing the Anchluss with Norway then?
    they of the £800 Billion Soverign wealth fund :-))

    Personally I wouldn't trust the Bowler Hat wearing community to pick the Winner of a One Horse race.
    And when you compare the Free state of 1922 with Britland 1922 and repeat the same exercise in 2015..You can quite plainly see How wrong they were.
    In fact the closure of the Workman-Clarke Belfast Shipyard during the Wall Street Crash..Should have been enough.
    due to the fact that Belfast and Glasgow suffered the worst of it in Brit-land.
    But as they say..You can bring a Horse to water but a pencil must be lead.

  13. Ozzy

    From my limited knowledge it seems Workman Clarke shipyard 'the wee yard' was doing very well until bought over by a UK yard which promised further investment but instead took out a loan on the strength of Workman Clarke's successful track record to pay debts it had amassed in the UK yard. When WC was then sliding into trouble the 'powers that be' in the shipbuilding industry recommended its closure. Rebbeck who was on the panel who took that decision was also the head honcho at H+W. Cut throat business that oul shipbuilding.

    As for the British 'NOT Irish' northern souls here in Ireland, who really cares any more. But I really cannot see England breaking up with the northern cities joining Scotland and the Paki population joining Islamabad. Westminster makes the rules for others to abide by, not for everyone's benefit. There is a difference.

  14. Yes Larry..There will be no Scotlandshire..It'll be damn difficult for the Scots on their own to break out.Nevermind taking a part of England with them.
    And secedeing to form an independent Country and secedeing to become a useless appendix for some Imperialist folly are two completely different things.
    And thus present Nationalism with no issues whatsoever.
    Not to mention the fact that Scotlandshire isn't looking for the Special Powers Act..A Paramilitary/sectarian police force.
    And the right to create a second class within it's borders.
    The 50 Years of Unionist Misrule give me no pause for thought. about questions of unionists legitimacy.
    They never had any.