Pot Press Exclusive - Interview with Pants on Fire aka Celtic Ghost

Guest writer, former Blanket man Tony O’Hara with a satirical piece on a great statesman.  


PP: Welcome Pants, can u tell us about your new single - Gerry the Liar?

Pants: Its a coming of age for me, like coming out of the closet, showing the world that I have an admiration so profound for Gerry, I just had to write a tribute song.

PP: Where did this stem from?

Pants:  You have to hand it to him. He lies that much he convinces himself he's telling the truth. And he's one of History's great liars.

PP: History's?

Pants: Like look at St Peter the first Pope. When asked if he knew Jesus, three times, he said 'Jesus who? Him, No never send him before in my life''. When told that he was seen dining with him’, his response ‘No you must be mistaken' etc

In recent times we have the infamous Benedict Arnold who changed sides that much he ended up attacking himself.

And Hitler, makes peace with everybody, meaning to invade them as soon as he could: 'yes, ve is friends, just as soon ez I get a few thousand of Mein Panzers to visit you'.'

And talking of Prussian things, Gerry's good friend Mart Garfunkle loves the cultur. He even got to fulfil a lifelong ambition by shaking hands with the German Queen Lizzie Baden Mont or Saxe-Coburg-Gotha. And her husband looked on with an expression that says he's didn't know whether to give Mart a medal or a kick in the goolies.

PS: So what attracted you to Gerry

Pants: Like so many people I see him as a visionary. A Prophet. Like who could recall singing a song a few years before it was written is amazing. And I like others, listen with bated breath to his every word as he may give us the winner of the Grand National.

PS: Are you delighted that he's a great statesman?

Pants: Dunno 'bout that. The people of Longford are still scratching their noggin's wondering what the big hairy thing was that walked down the main street.

And if the saying is true that you can tell people by the friends they keep - Look at President  Billy Liar. If the real story is true, Bill was dying for a piss and jumped out of the presidential Limo to ask a passerby the way to the nearest bathroom. And who should he meet. You can verify this by asking the man in the local Cafe. They had to fumigate the place as it was clear the local food didn't agree with Bill. And he's barred from the Cafe for trying to drag the  waitress into the back telling her he liked her oval orifice.

PS: So what do you think the future holds for Gerry?

Pants: That’s easy, when he retires he will be invited to join the Liars convention - the G8 or G9. They meet a few times a year to see who can fabricate the biggest lie so they can fool the world once more.

PS: Many thanks for your insights, have you one last comment

Pants: I just hope your readers are educated from my answers. Because truthfully like my hero I too can tell a Lie and prove it.

Listen to it here.


  1. A funny post Tony. I doubt that they will have the humour to see the funny side of it.

  2. Brilliant and funny.
    It's almost surreal how many of Sinn Fein are prepared to sacrifice their own integrity on Gerry's altar.

  3. very good.

    If i may ask. Does anybody know of any good books that exposes the royal family for who they really are?

  4. Bravo, Bravo! Word on the street is that Marty 'Pacelli-belly' McG is writing an autobiographical aria, fit only to be sung by castrato.

    maitu- have you read Remains of the Day? its a novel but does a bangup job of exposing the ignobility of the nobility