As Taoiseach, I'll put Ireland First

John Coulter with imaginative licence crafts a piece that initially featured  in the Irish Daily Star on 25 November  2013


Make me Taoiseach and my Ireland First Party will guarantee jobs for ALL Irish citizens.

Yes, I said everyone on the Emerald Isle will have employment if Ireland First wins the majority of seats in Leinster House.

The recent Millward Brown poll has clearly shown that support is rising rapidly for a new political force on this island as voters get pissed off with the present political structure.

And my Ireland First will be an all-island party, so as the Shinners, Greens, Stickies cannot rant they are the only movements paying lip service to the spin that they represent the whole people of the 32 counties.

Sinn Féin will never again enjoy the electoral success it mustered in the 1919 General Election when it clinched the majority of Irish Westminster seats when the island was united under British rule.

The Shinners have too much terrorist baggage; the Greens are seen as weirdos, and the former Progressive Democrats will never stage a comeback as the party has too many skeletons packed into its cupboard.

Maybe former Ulster Unionist Basil McCrea's new party, NI21, could be launched in the Republic as either SI21, or as an all-island party, I21.

Ireland First will have jobs for all Irish passport holders because I will adopt the Israeli model where everyone serves at least three years in the Irish Defence Forces, during which they will learn a trade for when they are demobbed.

Security jobs will be the key to kick-starting the Celtic Tiger. Notorious Black and Tans tactics will be used against Ireland's mobsters and criminals.

If necessary, a 'shoot on sight' Osama bin Laden-style policy will be adopted against the most violent of Ireland's mafia families and criminal empires.

Convicted 'crims' will have their assets seized and the dosh ploughed into the health service and education.

Jails will not be holiday homes, but will become labour camps where chain gangs will be the order of the day, used to clean sewers, tidy roads and clear snow drifts during blizzards.

Convicted murderers will face the death penalty, with child killers facing Old Sparky (the electric chair) automatically.

Sex offenders will be medically or chemically castrated to stop them being a threat to society.

Biblical Christianity will become the state religion, with the Irish Catholic Church becoming independent of the Vatican.

Martin and Michael O'Neill will head up a new all-island soccer squad, following the example of rugby, hockey, cricket and GAA.

Ireland will become a nuclear nation with power stations drastically slashing electric bills.

Super power nations, such as Russia, China and the US, will be encouraged to store nukes on the island, and a nuclear weapons service industry will create hundreds more jobs.

The once-proud Punt will be restored as the nation's currency, and Ireland will dump the European Union.

To combat petty crime, neighbourhood watches will be organised into a B Specials-type force to support the gardaí.

And Ireland First will seek to bring the prestigious Olympic Games to the island as well as other major global sporting occasions, such as the soccer World Cup.

I will reverse the 'Brain Drain' and keep as many of our people in Ireland to work.

You think I am just a 'Mouth on the South' and this is 'pie in the sky'?

Then guess what deal you think President Micky D will do with Queen Bess when the two meet formally in 2014?

So let's hear the cry, Coulter for Taoiseach! Vote Ireland First!


  1. John the killer-Queen's man-

    Every one in the army-the new B-Specials running around beating up
    people just like the old B specials- The guilty and innocent prisoners being executed-nukes stations in
    our fair land like the one leaking in japan-need I go on-

    Your on to a winner john-you just need to form a party and get others to back/support you and get elected and avoid them men in white coats-what do they know anyway-

  2. Really just reminds me of living in Missouri. Very American conservative right-wing view in this article.