Ears To You Mrs Robinson

I suppose when we learn of someone in the Northern micro government drawing attention to their ears there is a tendency to think of old jug head Edwin Poots. Although on reflection his listeners are something he probably wants attention averted from rather than to. Earplugs for him must be the size of traffic cones.

Ears can be the butt of many jokes and outsized ones are pretty hard to hide. There are few inconspicuous places to put them. It is not like a bald head where any cap will do the trick. And in some cases only a long eared bunny hat will suffice. And they aren’t exactly the type of headwear you would turn up sporting at a funeral. Weddings, not much use for them either. And at school, well you are goosed. May as well be on the blanket where an eye for the defect was a highly developed piece of anatomy. Ears, they are a cartoonist’s dream when it comes to churning out caricature.

Now to the point of this story. I read somewhere in February that Peter Robinson and Martin McGuinness are both partially deaf in one ear. At the time Robinson quipped ‘when I confided in Martin I discovered that he had a hearing deficit in his right ear so now you know the secret of how we work so well together.’ Peter must have been to the left of Martin to make himself heard. But these days we expect Sinn Fein to be to the right of the DUP, so hear we go.

At least it explains something about why Martin venomously spat out the ‘traitor’ word against republicans carrying on the tradition of armed struggle once advocated but then abandoned by Martin. It was so that Peter could hear and be under no illusion that Martin knew his place in the pecking order. 2IC, deputy, second class citizen, whatever takes your fancy.

Peter’s own hearing defect resides in his left lug which might suggest the ear has evolved in the manner of natural selection to cope with the side of the bed Iris lies on. The partial loss of hearing allows him to sleep without having to listen to her ranting and beseeching her god to smite all the lesbians in the world and forgive all the adulteresses. 

And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
God bless you please, Mrs. Robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray (but not if you’re gay)

Martin it is said has suffered from tinnitus in his right ear for ten years or so, although we might be forgiven for concluding he is deaf in both and for that reason didn’t hear all the warnings about where the Provos would end up if they pursued the non-republican path he and equally deaf colleagues had committed them to.

Austerity to the left of them, austerity to the right of them, into the valley of deaf the Tory two blundered. London Calling – they always manage to hear that.

19 comments:

  1. Deafness and tinnitus can be caused by extremely noisy environments, being close to explosions,and the discharge of weapons can cause these conditions,so as we know Martyboy was never in any situation such as described,one can only presume that his problems come from being dropped on his head by his ma at birth, that could explain the personality splits we have all come to recognize as the Martyboy backward flip,one of these days the poor lad is going to stick his head between his legs and disappear up his arse,as for Peter his problem is much easier explained,he has been sitting to close to the supermouth bigot Paisley for so long that had he not kept his expense sheet in the other ear he would now most certainly be completely deaf,and as well all know by now this condition is prevalent among those who rule over us, especially when we call for justice for Marian,Tony Taylor and the rest,eh what!

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  2. Marty,

    that was the product of a well filled glass of brandy eagerly consumed after a round trip journey to Donegal with the child. He loved it but I was knackered!

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  3. Anthony a cara I,m a wee bit worried by that last post of yours ,are you saying you wee one loved the glass of Brandy and your suffering the effects of that now most common of complaints in the Dun na Gall area ie bending over in the wrong place ,

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  4. Lovely pic in todays Vatican Times of micro brit minister ni Chullin with her ruc/psni colleague promoting the upcoming world police and fire games, maybe thats how yer man died in London you know the MI6 guy who was found naked in a bag in a flat,might it be he was training for the sack race?deputy chief constable of the ruc/psni Gippespie seems from the pic to be well pleased that micro minister ni Chuillin is hands on to help make the games a success, and no mention of Marian Price..ah but then as Anthony has said any thing said would only fall on deaf ears..

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  5. Kina on the same theme 'DEAF EAR'S'...Seems no one listened the reports on how lethal plastic bullets are..

    A Derry human rights group claims recently declassified government documents appear to indicate that plastic bullets could have been banned in the early 1980s had the full truth about how lethal they actually were been revealed.

    http://www.derryjournal.com/news/local/plastic-bullets-tested-on-pigs-1-3765034

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  6. Kinda on the same theme about deaf ears.....

    http://www.derryjournal.com/news/local/plastic-bullets-tested-on-pigs-1-3765034

    "A Derry human rights group claims recently declassified government documents appear to indicate that plastic bullets could have been banned in the early 1980s had the full truth about how lethal they actually were been revealed."


    Seems no one listened to how lethal plastic bullets are...

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  7. Tom Mc Feely has problems with his eyesight, memory and co-ordination.He thinks he is British !

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  8. Tom Mc Feely thinks he's British ! Is there a name for this condition ?

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  9. Marty,

    that sack race had me almost in tears laughing. How do you come up with them?

    You would think the son is on the brandy the way he jumps about there. We headed up to Donegal and while my mate did his business myself and Ronan played near the river. The only bent over I did was when you mentioned that sack race!

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  10. Dave yes there is a name for the condition you mentioned,its called qsf...

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  11. Attorney general John Larkin has taken ex sos Peter Hain to court on contempt charges,he claims remarks Hain made in an autobiography brings the judiciary into disrepute,I would have thought that the Diplock courts had already done that...

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  12. I.m working on a new mega strong cocktail that will take America by storm.I call it the JFK three shots and your out of your skull...isnt it strange how sexy women always drive cute little cars?..which reminds me the MOT is due on the wifes Transit van..Fernando Torres has scored a goal against Barcelona,Chelsea go through on the NO-WAY rule..

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  13. Seen a psychiatrist today,he said that I had a split personality,charged me £80.I gave him £40 and told him to get the rest of the other f##ker..

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  14. Why is there not an Omagh style clamour by the great and good to have Martyboy dragged before the courts after the recent revelations at the Smithwick inquiry,Ian Hurst aka Martin Ingram a former brit intelligence officer has claimed Martyboy was OC of Northern Command PIRA and that he gave the order to capture and torture then kill two top RUC officers Breen and Buchanan,and we have also been told he further gave orders for the human bomb attacks,if Martyboy or his doppelganger has been the bad boy that Hurst claims he is then isnt the silence from all those who were so vociferous about Omagh all the more curious

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  15. Not sure about that one Anthony was he not supposed to be knocking off Mary Magdalene and are they not suppose to have had a child together,Dan Brown mentions this in the Davinci code,it might not mean he wasnt gay but it would possibly lessen the chances, anyway those old arabs say "a girl for a boy, a boy for a man, and a goat for pleasure"

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  16. Apparently 4 billion people will be watching the Olympics opening ceremony,well not me!! if I wanted to look at a bunch of twats who havent worked for years,wandering around in tracksuits,I,ll just go down the Anytout rd and watch the qsf,ers at Thatcher house..

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  17. A few days before Jack married Wendy,he had her name tattooed on his penis to show how much he loved her.when erect,the name was fully visible.when deflated it read Wy.
    After the ceremony they went to Jamaica on their honeymoon.Wendy was delighted with Jacks" special emblem of devotion"their hotel had two beaches,one traditional and one nudist.After two days of the traditional beach,Wendy suggested visiting the clothing optional beach.As Wendy lay her hot towel in the hot sun,she asked Jack if he would get her a cold drink, he walked across the sand to the little hut and asked the bartender, who was also naked for two pina coladas. Jack tried not to stare, but he noticed that the bartender also had "Wy" tattooed on his penis,"hey "Jack said and smiled "what a coincidence, your girlfriend must also be named Wendy" "Oh no"the bartender said "mine says WELCOME TO JAMAICA.ENJOY YOUR STAY"

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