3 bodies turn up in a mortuary,all with smiles on their faces,cop asks coroner "why are they all smiling?" coroner says "1st guy died of a heart attack shaggin his lover,hence the smile.2nd guy won a lot of money and spent it on whisky and died of alchol poisoning ,hence his smile,3rd guy Mickeyboy,struck by lightining.cop asks" why the f##k was he smiling?"coroner replies "thought he was having his photo taken!! A cyclist has been run over by a reversing car,he is alive but only just,police are urging the driver to come foward.....a baby shark asks his dad"why do we circle people in the water with our fins showing before we eat them,why dont we just attack?"......the wise old father said "they taste better without the shit inside them...a family take their mum to a nursing home,the nurses bathe her then sit her in a chair by the window,she slowly starts to lean over to one side,two attentive nurses straighten her up,she starts to tilt to the other side,the nurses rush back to put her upright.this goes on all morning.the family arrive and ask"how are they treating you?" mum replies "its pretty nice but the f##kers wont let you fart"...Corrie fans...Molly and Tyrone have got the baby a new present .....Jack in the box!!!! what do you call a nun in a wheelchair?.......virgin mobile.....A man runs into a petshop,puts a bomb on the counter and says "everyone has 1 minute to get out" a tortoise at the back shouts "YOU BASTARD"..Just said to the wife "when I die I,m going to leave everything to you" she said "you already do you lazy ba##ard.old dear in church bends over and saysto hubby"I,ve just done a silent fart!" hubby replies "ring your doc and get your hearing aid checked...just got a leaflet through the door.it said. if you are an alcholic ring this number.......so I rang ....it was a f##kin off licence...
Marty, sticking with the butterfly. Big Percy has donated his doodle of a buuterfly to help the Wild Life Trust. Sort of gets you all choked up when you read the story. Him and fifty other famous people are donating a bug doodle for charity. Considering the amount of bugs he encounters in a day it was kind of nice he chose a butterfly. That's until you see the doodle, it seriously makes some of the creatures in Jurassic Park look tame. Wonder where you get green white and orange butterflies with lopsided wings, spiky hair and huge teeth?
You might give some entrepreneur in PSF an idea for a new book comparable to the book of Kells. The book of Gerry plenty of monastic followers would be more than willing to make him a deity.
Tain Bo, what about the 'Book of Tells' he would make a fortune from that one. Big Gerry tells all! Well not about himself of course just about all the silly gits he sent out. He could have that butterfly doodle on the front, now that would cause some panic.
Gerry Itwasntme says to Bob doh Brains "I,m getting operated on tomorrow" Bob replies "oh what are they going to do boss," Gerry Itwasnt me says "their gonna circumcise me" Bob doh Brains says "Ihad that done when I was just a few days old" Gerry asked "did it hurt?" Bob says "I couldnt walk for a year doh"..
The Book of Tells that had me in stitches very original it would be the perfect title. The south has the book of Kells and the north the book of Tells.
Marty
I think Brain should publish a cartoon book on Bob Doh! The anti super hero.
Anthony Larry just sent me a clip from THE HERALD with a piece from Kevin Doyle which may give you all down there a hell of a halloween fright,he says Adams ,yes Gerry president of psf for life mp,mla, author would be messiah, wanna be president of the republic, tree hugger, liar, but not a member or an ambitious man has or looks like he is considering standing against Dermot Ahern for TD in Louth ,OH JOY!do I hear you say? if he wins maybe he,ll move down there ,because we,ve had enough of his bullshit here!
Robert...'flatlined'..hilarious. re' Adams, he has some nerve going anywhere near Louth. If he pulls off getting selected there then things are more stinko than feared, even there. Maybe selected by rigging things, but I doubt very much the electorate in that area will vote for him. As for the presidency..no way enough people in the south would vote for him, but he might get the clergy vote; they have much in common.
Christ, it's bad enough having Bertie Ahern a TD and Eoghan Harris a senator without Adams skulking about in Leinster House as well. With his luck, he'll be a minister in the next government. Well, if they threw paint at Harney, they should throw shite at The Master.
Even though I was attempting sarcasm I did go to the Glens matches as a kid until it was too dodgy. As for the whiskey I could have done without. Small world at times.
‘Even though I was attempting sarcasm I did go to the Glens matches as a kid until it was too dodgy.’ The last time I went was when I got kicked senseless coming out of the ground.
The whiskey – had a charge at it the other night but in general I rarely see a drink these days. A bottle of Powers had been lying in the cupboard for months and I opened it before it went out of date. And that is the truth your Honour!! We will have guests tomorrow so I will take a few but won’t bother after that until Christmas. Then off it in the New Year.
That is the reason we stopped going as a few mates got a severe tanking easy pickings as we used to go along with a few protestant lads who naturally took flak for hanging out with Taigs but pointed out their catholic former mates to avoid a beating themselves.
Former IRA volunteer and ex-prisoner, spent 18 years in Long Kesh, 4 years on the blanket and no-wash/no work protests which led to the hunger strikes of the 80s. Completed PhD at Queens upon release from prison. Left the Republican Movement at the endorsement of the Good Friday Agreement, and went on to become a journalist. Co-founder of The Blanket, an online magazine that critically analyzed the Irish peace process. Lead researcher for the Belfast Project, an oral history of the Troubles.
I like it.
ReplyDeleteHappy Halloween
ReplyDeleteInitially I thought it was Big Percy at the Halloween do in Marty's. Then I realised there was no Marie in the revealing sailor suit and no butterfly?
ReplyDeletePercy is there alright Nuala - bottom right of the Left box.
ReplyDeleteMackers, recognized the teeth. It was just when I saw all the red heads I thought it was Marty's gaff.
ReplyDelete3 bodies turn up in a mortuary,all with smiles on their faces,cop asks coroner "why are they all smiling?" coroner says "1st guy died of a heart attack shaggin his lover,hence the smile.2nd guy won a lot of money and spent it on whisky and died of alchol poisoning ,hence his smile,3rd guy Mickeyboy,struck by lightining.cop asks" why the f##k was he smiling?"coroner replies "thought he was having his photo taken!! A cyclist has been run over by a reversing car,he is alive but only just,police are urging the driver to come foward.....a baby shark asks his dad"why do we circle people in the water with our fins showing before we eat them,why dont we just attack?"......the wise old father said "they taste better without the shit inside them...a family take their mum to a nursing home,the nurses bathe her then sit her in a chair by the window,she slowly starts to lean over to one side,two attentive nurses straighten her up,she starts to tilt to the other side,the nurses rush back to put her upright.this goes on all morning.the family arrive and ask"how are they treating you?" mum replies "its pretty nice but the f##kers wont let you fart"...Corrie fans...Molly and Tyrone have got the baby a new present .....Jack in the box!!!! what do you call a nun in a wheelchair?.......virgin mobile.....A man runs into a petshop,puts a bomb on the counter and says "everyone has 1 minute to get out" a tortoise at the back shouts "YOU BASTARD"..Just said to the wife "when I die I,m going to leave everything to you" she said "you already do you lazy ba##ard.old dear in church bends over and saysto hubby"I,ve just done a silent fart!" hubby replies "ring your doc and get your hearing aid checked...just got a leaflet through the door.it said. if you are an alcholic ring this number.......so I rang ....it was a f##kin off licence...
ReplyDeleteMarty copied and sent those on..im sore at laughin...love the tortoise one...my belly sore at all of them...never stop.
ReplyDeleteMarty, sticking with the butterfly.
ReplyDeleteBig Percy has donated his doodle of a buuterfly to help the Wild Life Trust.
Sort of gets you all choked up when you read the story. Him and fifty other famous people are donating a bug doodle for charity.
Considering the amount of bugs he encounters in a day it was kind of nice he chose a butterfly.
That's until you see the doodle, it seriously makes some of the creatures in Jurassic Park look tame. Wonder where you get green white and orange butterflies with lopsided wings, spiky hair and huge teeth?
Marty, LOL
ReplyDeleteRory
Brain
ReplyDeleteYou might give some entrepreneur in PSF an idea for a new book comparable to the book of Kells. The book of Gerry plenty of monastic followers would be more than willing to make him a deity.
Marty,
ReplyDeletethey just flow from you
Tain Bo, what about the 'Book of Tells' he would make a fortune from that one. Big Gerry tells all!
ReplyDeleteWell not about himself of course just about all the silly gits he sent out.
He could have that butterfly doodle on the front, now that would cause some panic.
And of course Nuala the title would be "ITWASNTME"
ReplyDeleteMarty, anyone who could produce that butterfly doodle is the keeper of a lot of guilty secrets.
ReplyDeleteGerry Itwasntme says to Bob doh Brains "I,m getting operated on tomorrow" Bob replies "oh what are they going to do boss," Gerry Itwasnt me says "their gonna circumcise me" Bob doh Brains says "Ihad that done when I was just a few days old" Gerry asked "did it hurt?" Bob says "I couldnt walk for a year doh"..
ReplyDeleteFionnuala
ReplyDeleteThe Book of Tells that had me in stitches very original it would be the perfect title. The south has the book of Kells and the north the book of Tells.
Marty
I think Brain should publish a cartoon book on Bob Doh! The anti super hero.
Nuala the bearded ones doodle of a butterfly is nearly as bad as his books!
ReplyDeleteAnthony Larry just sent me a clip from THE HERALD with a piece from Kevin Doyle which may give you all down there a hell of a halloween fright,he says Adams ,yes Gerry president of psf for life mp,mla, author would be messiah, wanna be president of the republic, tree hugger, liar, but not a member or an ambitious man has or looks like he is considering standing against Dermot Ahern for TD in Louth ,OH JOY!do I hear you say? if he wins maybe he,ll move down there ,because we,ve had enough of his bullshit here!
ReplyDeletemarty-
ReplyDeleteGERRY ADAMS t.d
its got a nice ring to it
onwards and upwards-
Mickeyboy Gerry Adams r.i.p sounds better
ReplyDeleteThe apostle Mickey has spoken all hail the royal leader “Gerry” onwards and upwards the superman with the convenient power of forgetfulness!
ReplyDeleteMichael,
ReplyDelete"GERRY ADAMS t.d
its got a nice ring to it
onwards and upwards"
I see what little cerebral activity existed before has now all but flatlined.
Robert...'flatlined'..hilarious.
ReplyDeletere' Adams, he has some nerve going anywhere near Louth. If he pulls off getting selected there then things are more stinko than feared, even there. Maybe selected by rigging things, but I doubt very much the electorate in that area will vote for him.
As for the presidency..no way enough people in the south would vote for him, but he might get the clergy vote; they have much in common.
Christ, it's bad enough having Bertie Ahern a TD and Eoghan Harris a senator without Adams skulking about in Leinster House as well. With his luck, he'll be a minister in the next government. Well, if they threw paint at Harney, they should throw shite at The Master.
ReplyDeleteAlfie,
ReplyDeleteTrue,
Rory
Alfie the bearded one is the master shit shoveler ,well he produces it,eejits like Mickeyboy do the dirty work,
ReplyDeletemarty- me do dirty work
ReplyDeletenot to muddy the water
but some like the dirty work.
As I said Mickeyboy eejit!How many gaffs do you own!
ReplyDeletemarty-
ReplyDeletei own the same amount of gaff's as
i own Giraffe's- none,
does not mean that because the party leader is a author that i
should be suspicious at what he owns or any other person,
some day we will see who is right
and who is not.
Michaelhenry,
ReplyDeleteyou make more gaffs than you own. Stick that fly in your ointment!! Agree with you or not, you help liven the place up.
Aye Mickeyboy I,ve a soft spot for ya, thats if the bearded one hasnt used them all up!
ReplyDeleteMichaelhenry,
ReplyDeleteyou seem more sensitive to the feelings of atheists than you do to republicans!
Er em excuse me Anthony but I,m a atheist and a republican
ReplyDeleteAM-
ReplyDeleteatheists are people to- just do not like that type of religion,
and to listen to the odd atheist it
is a religion to them.
republicans are all type's now,
just like my type the best-
if my type is Question'd then i will try to answer-
just 1 surprise on this site-
who the fcuk does every one else support.
Michael
ReplyDeleteI support Glentoran FC and Bushmills whiskey.
Michaelhenry,
ReplyDelete‘GERRY ADAMS t.d . its got a nice ring to it
Agreed. Gerry Adams Talks Drivel!
‘onwards and upwards ‘ in the big spacecraft taking you all to a united Ireland
Tain Bo,
ReplyDeleteI was a supporter of Glentoran in my younger days. Went to a lot of their games
Anthony
ReplyDeleteEven though I was attempting sarcasm I did go to the Glens matches as a kid until it was too dodgy.
As for the whiskey I could have done without.
Small world at times.
Tain Bo
ReplyDelete‘Even though I was attempting sarcasm I did go to the Glens matches as a
kid until it was too dodgy.’
The last time I went was when I got kicked senseless coming out of the ground.
The whiskey – had a charge at it the other night but in general I rarely see a drink these days. A bottle of Powers had been lying in the cupboard for months and I opened it before it went out of date. And that is the truth your Honour!! We will have guests tomorrow so I will take a few but won’t bother after that until Christmas. Then off it in the New Year.
Anthony
ReplyDeleteThat is the reason we stopped going as a few mates got a severe tanking easy pickings as we used to go along with a few protestant lads who naturally took flak for hanging out with Taigs but pointed out their catholic former mates to avoid a beating themselves.