Booted Out

Iris Robinson has been booted out of the DUP. The horny old hypocrite was given the chop by the party in extra swift time once her financial corruption was exposed through BBC Spotlight. No claims by the leadership that it had only discovered she was a member; straight out on her hoop.

Outside of the puritanical religious circles she floats in her horniness will be forgiven if not forgotten. She will always be remembered and ridiculed, with no great degree of solemnity attached, as the Randy Mandy of Northern Irish political life. It is the hypocritical side of the equation that will pull more frowns than cocked eyebrows and really damn her. The abuse she dished out to gay people on biblical grounds while she was in blatant contravention of the same bible sticks in the craw a hell of a lot more than her boy banging penchant.

Danny Morrison once said of the DUP’s crooner Willie McCrea that he was as close to god as he was to the bottom of a coal pit. I suppose by that Bangers meant god as a concept associated with good, otherwise we fail to understand what is meant by his suggestion. The singing bigot and his ilk are inseparably close to the despotic violent god of the Old Testament and as far removed from a god of love as a bishop is from child protection. Much the same can be said of Iris the Virus. The evangelical religion, types like her love to beat other people over the head with, is not rooted in any notion of love but is hate filled and aimed at keeping people down. Watch any of those god channels on satellite TV; brimming over with bile and bullshit, homing in on the darkest fears and doubts of humanity in a bid to shake it down for cash. They don’t believe any of the biblical bollix themselves but value its effectiveness as an instrument of bullying for the purposes of exercising social control. Their stern faces, hectoring tones and admonishing fingers masking lusts, lies and licentiousness, all attributes they forever accuse only the ‘sinners’ of possessing. Jim Bakker, Jimmy Swaggart, Ted Haggard, Iris Robinson, damnable crooks the lot of them.

While the commentariat dissect it all with varying degrees of analytical skill most of us are sitting back waiting on the next text message to come through. One great spin off from the whole matter has been the joke industry. There have been some great quips doing the rounds about the Robinson affair. The pick of the bunch has to be the one that has Peter Robinson at the opticians complaining that his eyes have been watering since March. The optician explains that he has found the cause of the problem: ‘something is stuck in your iris.’

It is amazing how they do it but for opportunistic speed you have to give it to the joke manufacturers. As soon as something breaks and captures their imagination the texts are soaring. There is nothing sacred, no protected species, no discrimination. The Adams family got it in the neck as soon as their own misfortunes made it into the public domain. It goes with the turf, funny as hell when directed at the things we mock, terrible when it rakes the things we cherish. Those who draw ridicule like a magnet are those who hate it most, the sanctimonious.

And there were few more sanctimonious than Iris Robinson.


  1. Lets be honest self inflicted wounds are the most painful.

    Serve em both right!

  2. Americans & Canadians I know who have been hearing about this still developing saga have, like you, been comparing the whole affair to Jim & Tammy Bakker in the United States. Only minus the tear-streaked mascara and foundation TV interviews.

  3. oh Anthony how very dare you, report to Sluggrer,s spanking room at once,the old saying about people in glass houses and that pair of freaks and their mates slung a brave few the D.U.P and I.K.E.A are very much the same one loose screw and the whole cabinet falls apart also Kirk Mc Cambley has publicly thanked his late father a butcher, Dad taught me how to palm off mutton as lambhe also showed me how to bone ,stuff,roll and stitch up an old bird.and big Gerry said I dont give a fuck I aint going anywhere you know

  4. Speaking of humor, I laughed out loud several times as I read this. I think Mark Twain would have loved this article…

  5. I now relaise why the orangemen sing....She was old but she was beautiful