A little story came my way lately which suggested that there might be a resurgence of the failed Provisional IRA campaign. It surprised me. The organisation’s leaders seem quite happy with having attained nothing and why they might wish to go about trying to achieve something doesn't figure. However, it is thought in some quarters that the military body, long believed to have been dormant, has been stung by accusations from cynics about its love-in with the PSNI and the surrender of most of its weaponry. Charges that these constitute a humiliating defeat for the not so secret army are being hotly denied. It is now reported to be reorganising and drawing up a new code of conduct for its members. Evidence for this was said not to have been manufactured by usual suspects, the securocrats, but came in the form of a new Green Book which was seized during a PSNI search of premises believed to serve as a money laundering facility for the organisation.

Alongside the new Green Book a magnified £10 note was also discovered which the PSNI are reporting was used during swearing-in ceremonies, having replaced the tricolour which had lost its relevance once the IRA’s mothership, Sinn Fein, had renounced any notion of pursuing such an outmoded political arrangement. According to a well placed source use of the new ‘conch’ prompted a fierce debate inside the Provisional IRA. The pragmatists were quite happy to lay a hand on the larger than life Sterling note and swear an oath of allegiance. The more nationalistic argued that the Northern Bank note represented a British symbol and insisted on something more appropriate being used such as the Euro even though the Euro is not the currency in the North, which is the only area in the country where the Provisionals retain a substantial presence and where few would appreciate the meaning. The traditionalists were having none of it and nailed their green colours to the past with their call for a punt note to be used during swearing-in ceremonies.

Failure to resolve the matter meant that any binding decision would be put off until an extraordinary general army convention could be summoned. In the meantime all three currencies would be represented at swearing-in ceremonies and those coming through could make their own choice.

According to a former member of the organisation agreement had barely been reached on this before another issue popped up to frustrate proceedings. Given that all current members as well as new recruits had to undergo a swearing-in ceremony long time volunteers including leaders had to place their hands on the note and swear allegiance to the prosperity of the nation. Most volunteers and new members were content to place one hand on the note and raise the other in the air while uttering the oath. Leadership figures were said to have placed both hands on the note and on occasion a jemmy bar was used to prise their fingers away from it before proceedings could continue. The leaders concerned claimed it was a sign of their commitment to the country’s prosperity. While their subordinates remained stum, not being permitted to say anything in public that might undermine faith in the infallibility of the leadership, the dissidents were not so kind, singing in bars the ABBA song, ‘Money, Money, Money’. To make matters worse the same refrain rang loudly in leadership ears from the Recruiting Department whose staffers applied for overtime as a result of the length of time it took to get leaders through the process.

I don’t know if any of it is true. Somebody might be having a laugh so I remain highly sceptical that any of this could be on the money. Nevertheless, not content to bury the story I probed around to see if anybody knew about the Green Book. This is what I was presented with.



Green Book

A little story came my way lately which suggested that there might be a resurgence of the failed Provisional IRA campaign. It surprised me. The organisation’s leaders seem quite happy with having attained nothing and why they might wish to go about trying to achieve something doesn't figure. However, it is thought in some quarters that the military body, long believed to have been dormant, has been stung by accusations from cynics about its love-in with the PSNI and the surrender of most of its weaponry. Charges that these constitute a humiliating defeat for the not so secret army are being hotly denied. It is now reported to be reorganising and drawing up a new code of conduct for its members. Evidence for this was said not to have been manufactured by usual suspects, the securocrats, but came in the form of a new Green Book which was seized during a PSNI search of premises believed to serve as a money laundering facility for the organisation.

Alongside the new Green Book a magnified £10 note was also discovered which the PSNI are reporting was used during swearing-in ceremonies, having replaced the tricolour which had lost its relevance once the IRA’s mothership, Sinn Fein, had renounced any notion of pursuing such an outmoded political arrangement. According to a well placed source use of the new ‘conch’ prompted a fierce debate inside the Provisional IRA. The pragmatists were quite happy to lay a hand on the larger than life Sterling note and swear an oath of allegiance. The more nationalistic argued that the Northern Bank note represented a British symbol and insisted on something more appropriate being used such as the Euro even though the Euro is not the currency in the North, which is the only area in the country where the Provisionals retain a substantial presence and where few would appreciate the meaning. The traditionalists were having none of it and nailed their green colours to the past with their call for a punt note to be used during swearing-in ceremonies.

Failure to resolve the matter meant that any binding decision would be put off until an extraordinary general army convention could be summoned. In the meantime all three currencies would be represented at swearing-in ceremonies and those coming through could make their own choice.

According to a former member of the organisation agreement had barely been reached on this before another issue popped up to frustrate proceedings. Given that all current members as well as new recruits had to undergo a swearing-in ceremony long time volunteers including leaders had to place their hands on the note and swear allegiance to the prosperity of the nation. Most volunteers and new members were content to place one hand on the note and raise the other in the air while uttering the oath. Leadership figures were said to have placed both hands on the note and on occasion a jemmy bar was used to prise their fingers away from it before proceedings could continue. The leaders concerned claimed it was a sign of their commitment to the country’s prosperity. While their subordinates remained stum, not being permitted to say anything in public that might undermine faith in the infallibility of the leadership, the dissidents were not so kind, singing in bars the ABBA song, ‘Money, Money, Money’. To make matters worse the same refrain rang loudly in leadership ears from the Recruiting Department whose staffers applied for overtime as a result of the length of time it took to get leaders through the process.

I don’t know if any of it is true. Somebody might be having a laugh so I remain highly sceptical that any of this could be on the money. Nevertheless, not content to bury the story I probed around to see if anybody knew about the Green Book. This is what I was presented with.



40 comments:

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  2. Absolutely the most original modern journalistic satire that I've read in an age. A wall hanger,for even those of us viewing things from a distance. Anyone who'd done better than a "dime" behind the walls would see far past the bitterness, I think. You've sharpened your wit,Doc!---truly wielding the pen as a sword.

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  4. Wunderfulformyage, I don't mean to be obscure,but the comment about time is only for Doc. I suspect that what you see in this work-which appears as an epiphany to me-will be a horse of a very different color to you. I have an opposite view of satire than you have,also. There is absolutely no excuse for me to give up what many have paid so dearly for. My Granny O'Donnell often said that the greatest Irish writers spend the apprenticeship of their art saying the same thing over and over-like a Zen koan-until they have the great epiphany and finally get it right. It's after that they become the great wits of the world. The bitterness is only spice,the wit is substance.

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  5. Satire means different things to different people. Quotes about it prove nothing one way or the other apart perhaps from the bias of who chooses the quote.

    'Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful.'

    This one by Molly Ivins might appeal to me but perhaps not to anyone else.

    Satire is complex and serves a multiplicity of functions which prohibit it being useefully summed up in a few words.

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  6. Great article. It sums up nicely the political situation for 'Republicans' in a very comical way. I could just picture the pandamonium in a "father Ted" scenario.
    As for taxi drivers..did the IPLO not try to execute an ex Shankill Butcher who was driving a Belfast black taxi? I have known many ex prisoners who drove taxi's after serving a sentence on both sides of the border.
    I enjoyed that article and it seems politics as opposed to physical struggle has a tendency to attract the self serving type. It was good to see it refered to Westminster at the end, a good wee sting in the tail. But sure it could have applied to anywhere eh?
    Not everyone may be familiar with the green book and therefore not see the same slant to the humour as those who remember what it was. lol

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  7. Only when I scrolled down after reading your text did I find, of course, its visual punchline. Great set-up for truly a sad joke.

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  9. Wonderfulformyage, if you think people are picking on you not much I can do about it. The victim complex does not wash here. The fact that I chose a quote from Molly Ivins that appealed to me and the context in which it was offered should have alerted you to the general bias involved in selecting a quote – you, me, everyone else. If you fail to see it, again, not much I can do about that either. As for my opting for the 'old favourite of throwing back the ball of my bias instead of your bitterness' as bias was never levelled at you specifically it is all in your imagination I am afraid. Your comment did not interest me to the extent that I got worked up and felt the ‘bitter’ need to throw anything back at your totally ‘unbiased’ perspective.
    You would need to ask uilodomhnaill if they saw bitterness. That is not how I read their comment.
    There was no bitterness in the article. It was a sheer fun piece written over the period of a few minutes. As we seemed to agree earlier on some post what is there to be bitter about these days? Is there anything left that can embitter us?
    As for what I said about satire which led to your accusation of it being a cop out, again there is nothing I can do about that other than pay little heed to it. If you think there is only one view of anything - your view - your problem. That attitude is forever easily subverted. The rest of us who think there is a multiplicity of views will simply satirise it 'til the cows come home.

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  10. AM,

    I thought the article was very funny even if some of it went over my head.

    Wonderfulformyage,

    Despite being Irish and politically aware since I read The Communist Manifesto at sixteen years of age, I had never heard of the green book before. We aren't all Sinn Fein members in the South.

    Rory

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  12. Anybody enjoy Blues? The insistence on the superiority of the didactic approach reminds me of "The Signifying Monkey". It has always seemed to me that the artist wielding the edged instrument of well honed satire was not at all looking for a fight,but rather executing a precision kill- intellectually-therefore, legally. I hope this piece appears in the press all over Eire! When I watch the great duels in Kurasawa's movies,even though they are completely foreign to me and in Japanese which I have only the most simplistic understanding of,they are all clear as a bell. I don't think Doc will hear "great job!" from Gerry and Katie- on this one.

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  15. And if you don't like the Green Book above, there's always this one http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Green_Book
    coincidentally.

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  17. Clever, funny, surreal what more is there to say.

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  18. uilodomhnaill, you outed Kate. No big deal I guess. Up until then I had no interest in who it was. Anyway she will not be allowed on in future unless she uses her own blog ID. The sockpuppet abuse is not welcome here.

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  19. Kate, out of courtesy for others posting comments you will use your blog ID to post or you won't post. We agreed before one ID. Sock puppets can go elsewhere

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  20. AM--just my reaction to radar learned in another more dangerous world, no actual intent-sounded POed though.

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  23. uilodomhnaill, it is what happens when the sockpuppets come in. Their use is just an abuse of the discourse

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  24. Kate, read your piece quickly to ensure no libel. Apart from that I have not the slightest interest in it

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  27. Willing to out myself, Kate. 3,000 miles from the Northern Six-just south of Canada. Stone Anarchist. Never took the defense for anyone,unless they were my direct charges-yup., I was a screw in a maximum security dead end prison-for human monsters, unlike Long Kesh,which also housed Irish Soldiers, and Stickies(and to hell with the Governor with PTSD,he was in the wrong business). No outing of you really, just a sincere comment on your lack of perception as to style of writing! Didactic criticism of power is to me a waste of time- arrogant you-the duel is certainly not with the likes of you,but between legal rebels,who will win-and POWER. Satire is like Iado-one cut,no defense.

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  28. hardyharhar

    The comments were funnier than the entry - not often that happens. Thank god I got to read them.

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  29. Mark, it looks like a Long Kesh letter now during the protest - blank blank blank!

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  31. For the benefit of all those who missed it, that was a real electronic Long Kesh allegory. One of the inmates spread faeces all over the wall, was caught by a screw, conformed, scrubbed off the mess they had made and squeaky booted it out of here.

    (sorry, bad joke)

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  32. Mark, haven't laughed as much since the last full moon

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  33. LOL me either, my criticism really got to you didn't it.

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  34. Damn, I was fortunate not to have had men like you in my charge-dangerous is an understatement! I would be honored to be allowed future access to your Blog,Doc-but would easily understand a denial. Best, Respect,and willing to give full identity to you (if you don't publish it) at any time.

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  35. UM, how the hell do ya' say "I'm sorry,when ya' mean----I'm sorry---wrong Kate!! Well,I'm an outsider, 'n sorry--wrong Kate! Will er' uilodomnaill----what a rube,eh?

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  36. Who is Kate?
    What is a sock-puppet?

    I am confused,

    Rory

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  37. It's the first time that I really understand, that I don't. Yeah, the great Amerikan intellectual will screw up whenever he thinks he will best comprehend the "WORLD". I've learned more than I would have guessed,I would say. Thank you.

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  38. Urban_Underclass, A sockpuppet is a term used to describe someone using multiple IDs. It is an abuse of the dialogue. Many blogs including this one don't permit it.

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  39. Brilliant is the word as someone myself whom has seen right thru Sinn Fein for many years and really sneered at there lies this is the best one yet, never thought of the angle but its exactly what has happened, Gerrys picture on a bank mote perhaps ????

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