Voting is a Dead End

The problem with political jokes is they get elected - Henry Cate VII

You would think by now given the length of time the Irish News has been in the business that it would have learned the folly of putting bad ideas into the craniums of the dullards who make up the bulk of our brain dead political class.

Last week the paper unpardonably ran with a headline ‘Deceased candidate re-elected as mayor.’ The story referred to Harry Stonebraker. The surname makes me think he may have come from a family who spent time on one of the many road gangs from the country’s prisons. If so it did him no harm. Harry had been the long time mayor of Winfield, Arizona. Although he succumbed to a fatal coronary in March, ballot papers for the new election had been printed prior to his death and remained in circulation. When the people had their say and hit the polls they returned Harry as mayor with 90% of the vote.

In the North were that to happen no one would notice the difference. Normally it would just be viewed as a case of the dead voting the dead. The graveyard vote has always been pretty high there. Naiveté had for long held me in its grip. I really did believe that Tom Hartley was running graveyard tours of the City Cemetery because he was a secret necromancer, communicating with the dead in the hope of spiritual guidance as he prepared to valiantly unite the city under his mayoralty. And all he was doing was getting the electoral register ready.

Looking at the crowd who populate the benches up at Stormont it is easy to conclude that anyone of them could give Harry Stonebraker a run for his money. When I gaze upon them my reasons for rejecting religion and the belief in an afterlife evaporate. Truly, they confirm beyond all shadow of doubt that there is life after death.

But the notion that, thanks to the Irish News, our political class might go on forever is something most people could not bear contemplating. A president for life could now become president for eternity. Imagine if Willie McCrea could be elected after he had died. We would be deluding ourselves if we were to think for one moment that we would be spared his singing. The Free Presbyterians would flood the place with his CDs. There would be no end to it. There might even be a new album called ‘the Bigot from Beyond.’

No longer can we reassure ourselves with the consolation that ‘they’ll be dead soon.’ No more the cry of 'Eureka' upon discovering their obituaries. Rather than escape coming through them dying we would have to pop our clogs in the hope that there is no afterlife. Singing Willie in the heavenly choir. Forget about it. Hell would be better.


  1. Living in Arizona I am not surprised at the dead being elected. Who else has Minutemen on the borders "Protecting" us? (yeah right) Has a Sheriff in Maricopa County who is applauded and worshiped for his targeting people to treat as criminals or aliens because of nationality. Where drug running through here has made life unsafe for the casual citizen when the gun battles and kidnapping and slave running go on in West Phoenix. The gun running is as common to Mexico as a trip to the corner market for milk. A situation that for the first time in my life has me with a gun in my home. So I am not surprised Northern Ireland has no corner on the market.. for idiots being in charge.

  2. shescalledkc,

    seems to be a universal trait!