Gary Robertson ⚽ In the late 90s connoisseurs of late night Channel 4 TV were entertained by one of the most bizarre shows ever to hit our screens - Eurotrash.
Once watched, never forgotten, it leaned heavily to the bizarre the provocative and downright unusual from the world of European TV.
In 2026 Eurotrash has a somewhat different meaning in Robertson Towers and undoubtedly many more households around the globe.
I am of course talking about Celtic.
The whipping bhoys of the Europa league managed once again to find a way to lose on Thursday, this time to Celta Vigo.
Yes the “giants” of La Liga came saw conquered and left along with several thousand happy fans having secured 3 points.
Celtic on the other hand were left rooted to the bottom of the table and pointless.
As pointless as the next five Europa League games we have to play.
With teams such as Marseille and Union SG to come Celtic could easily be staring down the barrel of some heavy defeats.
I had a little optimism last week after the crushing of Hearts. I thought perhaps finally things were taking shape and with players returning from injury then we might see a better performance against the Galicians.
We might share a Celtic identity and their music does feature the bagpipes but in footballing terms we’re a long way apart.
Once again the home team flattered to deceive.
A goal from the boot of Baur in the 47th minute gave Celtic the lead, a lead that lasted a whole twenty one mins before in the space of three Celta had equalised and taken the lead.
It’s the same old story, poor recruitment, bizarre tactics (If any) and a lack of determination.
We are perhaps Conference League level but honestly I’m pretty certain they’d find a way to f**k that up too.
Looking further afield and away from the pit of despair that is CFC (yes I’m aware they beat Hibernian at Easter road 2-1 but I’ll get to that and why it’s hardly cause for celebration later), despite stormy conditions the Scottish Premiership saw no postponements. All four home teams walked away with 3 points. Dundee Utd coming out on top of a five goal thriller at the Calforth Construction Arena at Tannadice Park (sponsorship eh? For those old buggers it’s just Tannadice) against Aberdeen. Three points that leave the Arabs in fourth place, a point ahead of city rivals Dundee who lost out 2-1 away to St Mirren. United are Celtic's next visitors on Wednesday 28th and whist rife bookmakers see a massive gulf in odds there is, in my opinion at least, very little between the two on the pitch. A fascinating game that sadly Sky have overlooked in favour of Rangers v Hearts on the same night (understandable but frustrating nonetheless).
Falkirk walked away with a comfortable 3-0 victory over Kilmarnock, helped greatly by the away sides prowess at shooting themselves in the foot, not once but twice with own goals from Killies McCarthy in 29 mins and Stanger in the 68th. The bairns (as Falkirk are known) did score the only actual legitimate goal of the match from the foot of striker Murrell on 38 mins.
Rangers continued to show why they’re a massive threat to Celtic with another home demolition, this time of St Johnstone. A 4-0 victory in no way flatters McInnes' men. They (as much as it pains me to say it but remaining unbiased) play some very attractive football and with the League Cup looking almost certain to be theirs Ibrox fans will have much to cheer about in the coming months. Of course Aberdeen, Hearts and Hibs will fancy their chances in the semi finals but on this form it would take a brave punter to bet against them lifting the trophy.
Saturday saw the clash of the top two in the Championship, Partick and Stenhousemuir. This game looked much tighter on paper than the final score line suggested. Partick ran out very comfortable 3-0 winners and took them to the summit, a point clear of Stenhousemuir who despite having more possession never managed a single shot on target in the entire 90+ mins of the match. A deeply frustrating afternoon for the men from the Central Lowlands but a highly satisfying one for the Jaggys of Maryhill.
The gap between 3rd and 4th was also closed to a mere two points as fourth placed Inverness Caley overcame Raith Rovers (3rd place) by two goals to nil.
League One - and the shootout continues between Hamilton and Ross County. Both sides predictably winning their respective matches: Hamilton 2-1 over East Fife and Ross by 4 with no reply over Airdrie.
League Two fixtures were replaced with Scottish Cup round two instead and some notable results included Huntly of the Highland League holding league strugglers Annan to a 2-2 draw only to succumb to the cruellest of finishes, a penalty shootout that saw the league side win 4-1.
Bo’ness of Lowland League East took care of League Two Falkirk by a solitary goal and the gloriously Scottish named Clachnacuddin (of Inverness) put three past Bonnyton Thistle (of Kilmarnock).
Sunday
The storm has yet to pass but as I write the wind is easing slightly so I think the worst is past. Hopefully. 🤞
We have two matches to look forward to this afternoon: Motherwell at home to Hearts, and Celtic away to bottom side Hibernian.
Hearts were well worthy of their 2-0 victory over Motherwell, a header from Braga in the 29th minute and the 3 points assured when Calvin Miller struck home in 86 minutes.
Over to a blustery Easter Road.
Having had another rough night Saturday (I won’t bore you with details) I woke up Sunday feeling incredibly nervous. All the stats pointed to a Celtic victory and by all accounts a comfortable one if the odds were to be believed. Yet despite everything I couldn’t shake this feeling that it wasn’t going to be as straightforward as many would have you think. Top against bottom what could go wrong? Plenty, and plenty did.
Ok, so Celtic walked away with the three points having won the match 2-1 and whilst in terms of league positions and titles a victory is a victory and fans should be happy, on closer inspection you’d see the massive flaws in this team that on any given day could be seriously exploited by any other team in the league.
It came as absolutely no surprise to anyone when Hibs took the lead. In 3 mins in front of a sparse crowd Celtics defensive vulnerabilities were there for all to see as Hibs' Owen Elding fired past Johnstone in goal and the bottom side led and while a shambles in front of goal from a Celtic corner where Hibs' Kerr headed by his own keeper to make it 1-1 the away side looked once again like a team that had been assembled from hitchhikers at the service stations on the way to Edinburgh. No cohesion, no aggression, no tactics. I defy anyone to tell me what they are because other than hoof ball it’s back pass after back pass. Two very poor teams playing in very poor conditions, passes going astray, shots wide and without the individual brilliance that is Camilo Duran putting the Celts in the driving seat on the 43rd minute and in fairness at least one wonder save from the much maligned (and possibly rightly so) Johnstone in goal. There was nothing else to note in this game.
I hate to say it but it was rubbish. I’ve watched thousands of matches in my life, from all sorts of leagues and this would rate highly in the least enjoyable ever list.
Now I know some will say “but three points are three points” and whilst that’s true we need to look at this not as Celtic fans but as unbiased football fans. Neither team looked good, neither team dominated, neither side looked like they had any clue what they were meant to be doing, and it certainly didn’t look like there are ten teams between them in the league.
Martin O’Neill came out afterward and called it “our best win of the season” and “Even better than last Sunday.” Now far be it from me to criticise the man but was he watching the same match as the rest of us? To believe that was better is Trump level delusion. Høgh once again failed to fire, our defence torn open time after time (and but for poor finishing and a wonderful save this could have been a very different column) our midfield M.I.A and our captain practicing his windmill impression while standing a few feet from Liam Scales.
It’s a mess and even the introduction of Jota made no difference.
Of course now they’ll probably go out on Wednesday and crush Dundee United (but I wouldn’t bet on it).
So I think that’s enough of a rant from me. Celtic are still top of the league by four points from Rangers so I guess it was effective rubbish.
Have a great week and whatever you’re doing do it well, stay safe and have fun
Til next time …… 🐼
🐼 Gary Robertson is the TPQ Scottish football correspondent.
Once watched, never forgotten, it leaned heavily to the bizarre the provocative and downright unusual from the world of European TV.
In 2026 Eurotrash has a somewhat different meaning in Robertson Towers and undoubtedly many more households around the globe.
I am of course talking about Celtic.
The whipping bhoys of the Europa league managed once again to find a way to lose on Thursday, this time to Celta Vigo.
Yes the “giants” of La Liga came saw conquered and left along with several thousand happy fans having secured 3 points.
Celtic on the other hand were left rooted to the bottom of the table and pointless.
As pointless as the next five Europa League games we have to play.
With teams such as Marseille and Union SG to come Celtic could easily be staring down the barrel of some heavy defeats.
I had a little optimism last week after the crushing of Hearts. I thought perhaps finally things were taking shape and with players returning from injury then we might see a better performance against the Galicians.
We might share a Celtic identity and their music does feature the bagpipes but in footballing terms we’re a long way apart.
Once again the home team flattered to deceive.
A goal from the boot of Baur in the 47th minute gave Celtic the lead, a lead that lasted a whole twenty one mins before in the space of three Celta had equalised and taken the lead.
It’s the same old story, poor recruitment, bizarre tactics (If any) and a lack of determination.
We are perhaps Conference League level but honestly I’m pretty certain they’d find a way to f**k that up too.
Looking further afield and away from the pit of despair that is CFC (yes I’m aware they beat Hibernian at Easter road 2-1 but I’ll get to that and why it’s hardly cause for celebration later), despite stormy conditions the Scottish Premiership saw no postponements. All four home teams walked away with 3 points. Dundee Utd coming out on top of a five goal thriller at the Calforth Construction Arena at Tannadice Park (sponsorship eh? For those old buggers it’s just Tannadice) against Aberdeen. Three points that leave the Arabs in fourth place, a point ahead of city rivals Dundee who lost out 2-1 away to St Mirren. United are Celtic's next visitors on Wednesday 28th and whist rife bookmakers see a massive gulf in odds there is, in my opinion at least, very little between the two on the pitch. A fascinating game that sadly Sky have overlooked in favour of Rangers v Hearts on the same night (understandable but frustrating nonetheless).
Falkirk walked away with a comfortable 3-0 victory over Kilmarnock, helped greatly by the away sides prowess at shooting themselves in the foot, not once but twice with own goals from Killies McCarthy in 29 mins and Stanger in the 68th. The bairns (as Falkirk are known) did score the only actual legitimate goal of the match from the foot of striker Murrell on 38 mins.
Rangers continued to show why they’re a massive threat to Celtic with another home demolition, this time of St Johnstone. A 4-0 victory in no way flatters McInnes' men. They (as much as it pains me to say it but remaining unbiased) play some very attractive football and with the League Cup looking almost certain to be theirs Ibrox fans will have much to cheer about in the coming months. Of course Aberdeen, Hearts and Hibs will fancy their chances in the semi finals but on this form it would take a brave punter to bet against them lifting the trophy.
Saturday saw the clash of the top two in the Championship, Partick and Stenhousemuir. This game looked much tighter on paper than the final score line suggested. Partick ran out very comfortable 3-0 winners and took them to the summit, a point clear of Stenhousemuir who despite having more possession never managed a single shot on target in the entire 90+ mins of the match. A deeply frustrating afternoon for the men from the Central Lowlands but a highly satisfying one for the Jaggys of Maryhill.
The gap between 3rd and 4th was also closed to a mere two points as fourth placed Inverness Caley overcame Raith Rovers (3rd place) by two goals to nil.
League One - and the shootout continues between Hamilton and Ross County. Both sides predictably winning their respective matches: Hamilton 2-1 over East Fife and Ross by 4 with no reply over Airdrie.
League Two fixtures were replaced with Scottish Cup round two instead and some notable results included Huntly of the Highland League holding league strugglers Annan to a 2-2 draw only to succumb to the cruellest of finishes, a penalty shootout that saw the league side win 4-1.
Bo’ness of Lowland League East took care of League Two Falkirk by a solitary goal and the gloriously Scottish named Clachnacuddin (of Inverness) put three past Bonnyton Thistle (of Kilmarnock).
Sunday
The storm has yet to pass but as I write the wind is easing slightly so I think the worst is past. Hopefully. 🤞
We have two matches to look forward to this afternoon: Motherwell at home to Hearts, and Celtic away to bottom side Hibernian.
Hearts were well worthy of their 2-0 victory over Motherwell, a header from Braga in the 29th minute and the 3 points assured when Calvin Miller struck home in 86 minutes.
Over to a blustery Easter Road.
Having had another rough night Saturday (I won’t bore you with details) I woke up Sunday feeling incredibly nervous. All the stats pointed to a Celtic victory and by all accounts a comfortable one if the odds were to be believed. Yet despite everything I couldn’t shake this feeling that it wasn’t going to be as straightforward as many would have you think. Top against bottom what could go wrong? Plenty, and plenty did.
Ok, so Celtic walked away with the three points having won the match 2-1 and whilst in terms of league positions and titles a victory is a victory and fans should be happy, on closer inspection you’d see the massive flaws in this team that on any given day could be seriously exploited by any other team in the league.
It came as absolutely no surprise to anyone when Hibs took the lead. In 3 mins in front of a sparse crowd Celtics defensive vulnerabilities were there for all to see as Hibs' Owen Elding fired past Johnstone in goal and the bottom side led and while a shambles in front of goal from a Celtic corner where Hibs' Kerr headed by his own keeper to make it 1-1 the away side looked once again like a team that had been assembled from hitchhikers at the service stations on the way to Edinburgh. No cohesion, no aggression, no tactics. I defy anyone to tell me what they are because other than hoof ball it’s back pass after back pass. Two very poor teams playing in very poor conditions, passes going astray, shots wide and without the individual brilliance that is Camilo Duran putting the Celts in the driving seat on the 43rd minute and in fairness at least one wonder save from the much maligned (and possibly rightly so) Johnstone in goal. There was nothing else to note in this game.
I hate to say it but it was rubbish. I’ve watched thousands of matches in my life, from all sorts of leagues and this would rate highly in the least enjoyable ever list.
Now I know some will say “but three points are three points” and whilst that’s true we need to look at this not as Celtic fans but as unbiased football fans. Neither team looked good, neither team dominated, neither side looked like they had any clue what they were meant to be doing, and it certainly didn’t look like there are ten teams between them in the league.
Martin O’Neill came out afterward and called it “our best win of the season” and “Even better than last Sunday.” Now far be it from me to criticise the man but was he watching the same match as the rest of us? To believe that was better is Trump level delusion. Høgh once again failed to fire, our defence torn open time after time (and but for poor finishing and a wonderful save this could have been a very different column) our midfield M.I.A and our captain practicing his windmill impression while standing a few feet from Liam Scales.
It’s a mess and even the introduction of Jota made no difference.
Of course now they’ll probably go out on Wednesday and crush Dundee United (but I wouldn’t bet on it).
So I think that’s enough of a rant from me. Celtic are still top of the league by four points from Rangers so I guess it was effective rubbish.
Have a great week and whatever you’re doing do it well, stay safe and have fun
Til next time …… 🐼
🐼 Gary Robertson is the TPQ Scottish football correspondent.




























