Now that opening sentence sounds like a joke, but it really did happen during the hilarious hit show by top Irish stand-up comedian Neil Delamere, perhaps best known for his TV appearances on the popular BBC comedy show, The Blame Game.
I know this to be true because I was that GB News political commentator who got roasted in front of 800 audience members at the glorious setting of the Diamond in the Ulster University’s Coleraine campus.
As part of our 37th wedding anniversary celebrations, my wife and I decided to go and see Neil as he’s one of our favourite characters on The Blame Game. We got front row seats … what could possibly go wrong?
I should have guessed from Neil’s sterling performances on The Blame Game that he loves to interact with his audiences, and especially those sitting in the front rows.
One thing is for sure, Neil will remember his night in Coleraine in March 2026 because his front row that evening really did contain a sex therapist, a Catholic priest … and me!
However, it is testament to Neil’s fast-thinking wit that he was able to turn his guests that evening into one of the funniest routines of any Irish comedian I have witnessed.
And it was all based on two simple questions - what’s your name, and what do you do?
There’s an old saying; forewarned is forearmed. So when chatting beforehand to some of my fellow audience members on the front row who had been at previous gigs, they told of how Neil likes to chat to front row members.
Now I’ve also been to a Jimmy Carr gig in England and beforehand I was telling a relative that when Carr said he was going to have a heckle amnesty, I would yell ‘heretic’ at him because of his jokes on Christianity.
In reality, I sat as quiet as a church mouse during the Carr gig. So as Neil made his way along the row in Coleraine, my brain was in hyper drive as to what I would tell him my occupation.
I didn’t want to say accredited preacher in the mainstream Presbyterian Church in Ireland given the safeguarding crisis in PCI; should I admit I was a pensioner? Should I tell him I was a retired lecturer in journalism? Or should I just come clean and admit I was a reporter? I opted for the latter.
Now I’ve had roastings in the past during my career in journalism. A former Taoiseach, the late Albert Reynolds, once took me apart during a live TV debate on TV3’s Sunday Agenda programme at the turn of the new millennium.
When I was a staff reporter with the Belfast News Letter in the Eighties, I once tried to go head to head in an interview with the then South Down UUP MP Enoch Powell. He took me apart in minutes by interviewing me on the choice of words for my questions!
And so Neil got to me. The look of joy on his face when I said ‘reporter’. I knew I was in for it! Then the killer question - who do you work for? My brain was saying ‘think, Coulter, think! Just say freelance!’
In seconds, I went over my options. Do I tell Neil about the Monday column on The Pensive Quill? Do I tell him about the online columns on the Belfast News Letter? Do I simply say I was the former Northern Political Correspondent of the Irish Daily Star?
So I just came clean and said ‘GB News’. He looked at me as if I had made his evening! ‘And what do you do at GB News?’ Was the retort? Before I knew it, I’d been sucked in by his professionalism - ‘political commentator’ I said.
Then the verbal demolition began. He had the audience - and even me - roaring with laughter at my expense. The one-liners were punchy, fast and hard-hitting; I had no come-back! I always believed Jimmy Carr could ‘box clever’ and think on his feet when it came to roasting members of the audience.
But Neil was outstanding in the way he could deliver his retorts, cleverly showing why he is one of the best comedians on the geographical island of Ireland. If ever someone writes a history of stand-up comedy in Ireland, north and south, Neil will certainly have a chapter all to himself.
Worse was to follow in Coleraine. For some of us in the front row, Neil wanted us to do our impression of an AK47 assault rifle firing without the silencer! As with all his gags, this had the audience constantly laughing.
It has often been said that laughter is a great medicine. And if ever there was a top consultant in this field, it is Neil Delamere. No matter what trials or challenges you are facing in life, a Neil Delamere gig is just the tonic and great therapy.
In terms of entertainment value for money, Neil’s gig was tremendous - and I’m saying that as a Ballymena man! After Neil’s roasting of me, I’m now ready for any showdown with Jimmy Carr! As I said to my wife and friends before Neil’s Coleraine gig kicked off - what can possibly go wrong now?
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| Follow Dr John Coulter on Twitter @JohnAHCoulter John is a Director for Belfast’s Christian radio station, Sunshine 1049 FM. |
