The Trials And Tribulations Of Moving House ➽ Part 2

Sean Mallory continues with the horrors of house moving.

Buying – the Purchaser

After completely ignoring our recent past role as Vendors we fully adapted to the role of the Purchaser and vigorously set about finding our new home. Vendors were now persona non grata and idiots if they think we are going to pay that!

Location, location, location was everything plus a sunny garden, plus the required space...we thought that we weren’t looking too much!

Several views and ruling out properties due to budget constraints (way out of our financial reach), we happened upon the most ‘fantastic’ house...fantastic being my word. It ticked all the correct boxes with the exception of the better half, being a sun worshipper and keen gardener, felt that it was the only aspect that was a serious let down....and it is only now with hindsight we see that it was. Anyway, after much discussion we put in a bid against a cash buyer and anxiously waited on a response...hopefully positive.

While waiting on word of our offer and being made aware by the vendor that they were out to maximise their sale as they were hoping to purchase a new build and that they would not be rushing in to making any quick decisions, we sat back and waited.

Somewhat prematurely and innocently, we discussed all the things positive about the house and how we would make it our own!

In between all this the estate agent acting on the Vendor's behalf and who turned out to be a deceitful loathsome creature which unsurprisingly tends to match public opinion of people in such professions began to mess us around with this. Rudeness and haughtiness were qualities she wore openly.

After a week of no news we decided to ring the estate agent, and enquire as to what stage our offer was at. I think I should point out at this stage that throughout the process, be you a Vendor or Purchaser, you will do all the chasing for information updates....the managers will not ring you!

The loathsome creature in response offhandedly dismissed our offer outright even though we were the highest bidder and said that although the Vendor had not made any decision as yet, they would be recommending to them to accept the cash offer as it was the more lucrative offer to work with since they weren’t caught in a chain.

Although the cash offer was much easier to process than our sale agreed position we believed that our position was just as lucrative as our purchaser was making signs that they wanted to move in as soon as possible. Time was on our side as we wanted to complete as soon as possible also. Still, the cash buyer was outside the chain and that was hard to compete against.

A day later, we received our rejection call which finished with the perk me up consolation second place words, that although the Vendor has gone with the cash buyer, it could still fall through so hang tight for a few weeks! Hang tight my fuck!

Angry and despondent we consoled ourselves with a few beers and in our inebriated dejection sought solace in picking out the negative aspects of the house, the Vendor, the cash buyer (who in their right mind would put so much spare cash in to a house!!!!) and the loathsome creature, and declaring that even if the cash offer did fall through unexpectedly we wouldn’t be interested. ...stubbornness rather than rational thinking.

Also having the annoying old axiom of ‘if it's meant for you, it will not go by you’ repeated to you by various family members and friends did little to soften the blow but more than anything only lead to increasing irritation.

A day or so later we returned to the market to look. There were houses available but they required just as much as the purchasing price to make right which is exactly what we didn’t have, spare cash. Nothing requiring little work other than decorating was available within our desired area and at our budget level and so houses that were out of our league financially were now being looked at. We had to redo our sums and look at tightening the belt around our lifestyle!

After a few visits nothing seemed to jump out at us and we were beginning to worry that we would have to move to an area less convenient for ourselves and our children. The on-line potential house list was quickly diminishing. Our choice was being greatly squeezed. And on top of this our purchaser was making noises again about completing as soon as possible as his purchaser was pushing him.

But once again the market roared at us and a house that I had admired but was initially out of our budget reach, looked attractive enough now.

An arranged visit and my better half was bowled over with it, especially the garden and that it was a suntrap in the evenings, never mind throughout the day! So, after another hastily arranged visit we placed an offer and it was accepted which cheered us up no end. A house viewed and agreed within three to five days!

Unexpectedly and almost forgotten, two weeks to the very day the loathsome creature rang us to ask were we still interested in the house as the cash buyer had fallen through. To say we were gloating at someone's miss-fortune is an understatement and those other old sayings of revenge and something about a dish being served cold and rubbing salt in the wounds really came to mean something. Saying ‘no’ gave us great pleasure but replying that we were sale agreed on a house much more expensive and telling the ever so slight fib that we would have been prepared to go even higher if required was even sweeter. The phone call was ended quite abruptly at her end.

Sean Mallory is a Tyrone republican and TPQ columnist  

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Anthony McIntyre

Former IRA prisoner, spent 18 years in Long Kesh. Free Speech advocate, writer, historian, humanist, and researcher.

1 comment to ''The Trials And Tribulations Of Moving House ➽ Part 2"

  1. Fucking loved that esp the end , how many times have I heard that story but with a sad ending , the Scottish way of selling and buying is so much fairer and takes almost all that shit out of the process, hope you and family have a wonderful and happy life there Sean, but you still should consider my original recommendation buy a cement mixer ,spade and never mind Oscars looking at the stars , look downwards a chara , ard mhor leis teach nua agat ,


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